Many times in my life, I realize I must trust God more, letting go or the concern and let God have it. Knowing something and doing it are two separate things! Sometimes I think I am on the edge of figuring out how to handle the situation. It is like I give the worry or burden to God, then I think, “I know how to fix this, God, give it back to me.” I must learn to trust.
Swinging Back and Forth
During times like these, I often feel like a trapeze artist. Please do not misinterpret my words because I do not possess the grace required to be a ballerina or an acrobat (Beauties Within). Standing on the edge of the platform high above is how I feel during these uncertain times. So scared when I look at the “unknown” below. God stands on the other platform. He swings the bar to me and asked me to hop on; He is waiting on the other side to catch me.
Now I know that you are thinking. “What in the world? God as an acrobat?” That is not really what I mean. I just picture myself up there while God is waiting on me to make my move. It’s like I say, “Okay, God, I am ready to give it to you. And truly, I do! Well, for a little while anyway. However, then, I start trying to inch the bar out of God’s hands and back in mine. I know! It sounds so wrong, and it is. From all I have learned about God, He is faithful, true, and holds fast to His promises to do what is best for us. And yet, I do this same action over and over.
Life’s Balancing Act
Over the years, the platforms have taken the shape of a decision for a job, a move, or the how to spend my money. However, most often these situations concern my children. My youngest daughter Rachel, the one who I loving thought might become joined at my hip, petitioned to graduate from Kennesaw University last week. She is beginning to sprout her wings and fly, coming home less and less.
I have been struggling. Maybe the root of my struggle is that Rach is my youngest or because she “gained her independence” a little slower. Who knows? Maybe I am having a hard time because the way both my girls needed me in the past is not the same as how they need me now. The helper and fixer person I am has to figure out how to be the mom of two fully grown children. I am so proud of both my girls, but I have to remember they are their own persons now.
Praying and Patience
While Donna and I were in Florida, she happened to stumble onto a Facebook post by Lindsey Feldpausch concerning the Thailand moms, whose sons were recently in the news. We were both in tears at her describing the Thailand mom’s roles and the role of moms in general. While the boys were being rescued from the cave, the moms could only watch, not help. She continued by saying that we won’t always be the person most equipped to rescue our children. She had powerful words, when we can only watch: “I need to tell myself: Intercession not interference.”
This week I was reading 1 Samuel chapter one. Again, God reminds me how to give Him my cares and how to leave them with Him. Hannah was barren and prayed in anguish to God. He heard her prayer and granted her desires.
Unlike me giving God control of the bar during the scary times, Hannah followed through with giving her son to God when he was weaned. “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him [Hannah’s son] to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord.” (1 Samuel 1: 27-28)
And with these commanding words, I will strive evermore to swing the bar to my God and ask Him to help me let it in His care because “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good”. (Romans 8:28)
