Recently my daughter Lindsey’s best friend got married. Oh, the adventures these two girls have had over the years. I will never let them the time they their giggles caused them to not pay attention. Hence, while carrying tiki torches to the pond, they caught the woods on fire! They have been the best of friends since four and five. Never have a heard them hold a grudge.

Traveling Buddies

Lindsey and Mary Faith have traveled so many places. One threw up over the mountainous road, heading toward GA camp (Girls in Action). Soon after, they tread into baptismal waters on the same day, sealing their friendship on a deeper level as they are now Christian sisters. Mary Faith’s grandparents were probably never the same after traveling with these two girls and hearing their giggles for days to North Carolina for vacation. There have been trips to Florida together with the moms and siblings as well. Countless laughs over the years!

Today or Yesteryear?

Along with another friend, I hosted a bridal shower for Mary Faith. We played a “how well do you know the bride” game. It asked questions like where and when did the bride and groom meet. Other questions focused on the bride: when is her birthday and what is her favorite color? As I continued to answer the questions, memories cascaded into my mind. She is just like a daughter to me. 

As they stood before the group, one minute I viewed them as graceful grown ladies and the next as the two insecure, sill teenagers from yesteryear. We began sharing our answers, and I realized I was getting many incorrect.

How are my answers incorrect? I know her so well.

What Is Your Favorite . . .

“What is Mary Faith’s favorite sport?” Lindsey polled. I was torn between basketball and volleyball. They played both of these together for years at school. Volleyball! That’s the right choice. When Mary Faith revealed, “hockey”, I shook my head in disbelief.

“Favorite movie?” I responded Twitches! This movie scared the girls so badly when they were preteens that they cried. I knew Ella Enchanted was probably the bulls-eye answer, so I went with that. But again, I was wrong. What in the world is wrong with her? Her answers are not matching mine–which I knew were correct!  The memory of the Twitches was too good not to share. The girls doubled over in laughter at the recollection as did the attendees. 

At the end of the game, I asked if I could share Mary Faith’s favorite song because, obviously, she did not know it. “Hoedown Throwdown!” by Miley Cyrus,” I shouted. More giggles. Before the event had concluded, they did a short rendition of the childhood dance. 

Frozen Giggles

Driving home loaded with leftovers and decorations, I realized that I had frozen time. I had Mary Faith stuck in my head as a girl—different ages spanning in time for many years, but still my memories where frozen in time. As wrong as my answers had been, I knew they had been right at some point in time. I never entertained the possibility that she was not that person anymore. At that moment, my brain had another jolt. I wonder how many times I do that with people. 

The situation of freezing memories of them in their younger years caused me to evaluate another thing that I have been guilty of freezing in time.

Frozen Grudges

We often hold onto grudges from the past towards people who have mistreated us–not even remotely considering that person might have changed over the years.

We all have people who have done us wrong. There was the girl in junior high that dared the boy to “go with me” as a joke, the co-worker who “said this”, or the relative who “did that”. In our minds, we so often hold onto that memory and freeze it in time. We clinch it into our fist and hold it so tightly that we cannot breathe around it. Possibly, with each time we think or retell the incident, the anger gets stronger.

I very much recognize that there are people who we truly must guard our hearts from because they have hurt us, and if we let them, they will continue to hurt us. But, these people are few and far between, and even with these people, God asks us to not hold onto that anger.

“and when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 

Mark 11:25

Freeze framing injustice limits our spiritual growth. When we keep grievances alive in our memory and heart, we sin against God. How thankful are we that God has removed the sins we have commented against Him as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). Animosity towards others is not biblical. Matthew shares how Peter asked Jesus how many times we are to forgive. Jesus answered him, “I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.”

Just like Mary Faith is no longer that giggly girl that she was years ago, those people who have wronged us, may have changed over time as well. Yet, we often still freeze the moment they hurt us and the accompanying feelings. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Let the past stay in the past, letting go of that grudges. As Ana from Frozen would say, “Let it go; let it go.”