Category Archives: Light-hearted Humor

These blogs are about light-hearted funny stories.

Haircut: Don’t Call My Name -By Donna

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A while back I decided it was time for a change so I decided to get a haircut . I wanted to add layers and cut it shorter than ever before. But I missed my long hair, so the road to growing it back had begun. Last week I headed to a salon to get just the dead ends trimmed. I have never been one to really put a lot of time or money into my hair. Therefore, I always go to the place with the shortest wait and to the stylist who is next.

It was the day before Thanksgiving, so I was surprised to see only one customer waiting when I arrived. The lady cutting hair took my name, and I sat down waiting with the other customer. We waited and waited. A male stylist came from the back and nervously walked around in circles, then disappeared. We waited and waited. The lady called his name with a “come on people are waiting” voice. He returned looking anxious.

“Are you ok?” She asked him.

His reply was a quick “No, I’m not.”

I am not big into my hair, but I was getting worried. He looked like he was having a really bad day. Don’t call my name first. Don’t call my name first….

“Donna”. Well alrighty then. After I plopped into the chair, the young man made casual conversation as he began combing out my hair. During this time I explained that I just needed it trimmed up. Not long into the cutting, I saw “the looks”.

A Confused Look

Now being a teacher, you learn to read faces. I immediately know by a child’s face when they are thinking, I’m not sure I’m doing this right, I need help, or is this how you do it?

He continued to make small talk and then began singing to the music in the background. I’m right there with ya, buddy. Singing makes me feel better too. Occassionally, he would lift up portions of my hair, looking at them as if they were alien. Finally after cutting one entire side of my head, he gave in.

“Um, Sherry, I’m gonna need some help.”

So Sherry comes over and instructs him how to layer the other side Hello! You already did one side!  He thanks her, apologizes to me, and continues on. Then he comes to my bangs.

“Um, Sherry, I’m gonna need you again.” So, Sherry once again comes over and instructs him. He apologizes once again.

When he finished cutting and drying my hair he asked, “How do you style your hair? Round brush? Flat iron? Gel?”

I replied, “Curling iron.” Oh, the look on his face! But, I continued with, “but you don’t have to style it, I’m just going home.”

He let out a huge sigh saying, “Oh good. When you said curling iron, my heart fluttered. I’m not too good with those, and I usually burn myself.”

The Resulting Haircut

Now, years ago I might have been disturbed at this event and especially since getting my “ends trimmed” resulted in my hair being shorter than it ever was! But I sat in that chair thinking, I once was a brand new teacher, thrown into a classroom alone with twenty kindergarteners. No amount of college ever prepared me for the REAL thing.

Was I pleased with my haircut?  Not really, but hair grows back. (“Que Sera, Sera”) So, I laughed to myself hoping the smile and the tip I gave him helped encourage him along.

Your words have the power to hurt or heal; be an encourager.

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Humor: Arrr, Matey -By Donna

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Arrr! Ahfullsizerender-5oy there, mateys! Shiver me timbers!  September 19th is “International Talk Like A Pirate Day”. Does anyone else think that is strange? Other international holidays are things like, “World Health Day”, “Earth Day”, “World Red Cross Day”, “International Literacy Day” and “International Volunteers Day”  So, is it just me who thinks a day dedicated to pirate lingo is weird? 

History

     It’s a parody holiday that has been celebrated since 1995. One day, two friends, John and Mark, were playing racquetball. As they often do while playing, they yell out at each other. For some unknown reason on June 6 to be exact, they began yelling out remarks which included pirate slang. They had so much fun with it, that when the game was over, they decided that the world needed a new national holiday, “Talk Like A Pirate Day!” June 6, is however the anniversary of D-Day from WWII, so they decided to choose another date. Mark decided it would be on the same date as his ex-wife’s birthday which was September 19. Now, it is celebrated around the world.

Other Possibilities

     Well, if that’s all it takes to create an international holiday, Karla and I could have done that long ago. Some of the possibilities would be “Talk in Song Lyrics Day”. Anytime someone says anything that is innocently part of a lyric, we belt out the rest of the song. For instance, if someone near us says “bye-bye”, in unison, without planning, we would exclaim, “Miss American Pie, Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry…”.  We also sing songs related to events. If we walked out of a story and it was raining you might hear,  “I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain, what a glorious feeling….” Beware if there’s a light post nearby because just like in the movie, we might begin to swing around it.

     We could be the founders of “Talk Out Of the Side of Your Mouth Day!”  We have always done this when we’re attempting to tell the other something discreetly. (But I’m sure discreet is the last thing we look when our mouths are twisted half-way around our faces.) 

     Another day we might have concocted would be “Don’t Talk, Just Laugh Day.” This day got us in the hot seat with our parents now and then. There were times we wanted to laugh, but thought it would be better if we kept our mouths shut. However, it backfired, because trying to hold in laughter is much harder than just holding in our words. And when our laughter started, we could not stop.  

Free Doughnuts

     But for whatever reason, some swashbuckler decided to declare “International Talk Like a Pirate Day.” But I can’t totally say it’s crazy, when I can dress as a pirate and receive a FREE box of hot doughnuts. Yes! that’s right. Krispy Kreme will give you one free doughnut if you talk pirate and animg_2090 entire dozen if you dress as one. So avast ye, matey, better known as pay attention, friend!  Yo Ho Ho, if you have a pirate hat, head on down to claim your booty (or your treasure) from Krispy Kreme. It may make your dungbie (rear end) a little larger, but shiver me timbers…it’s yummy!

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Acceptance: Cornbread Catastrophe -By Karla

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Not Your Everyday Decoration

The second Sunday of August is deemed as a decoration day, a special occasion for our family. I sometimes explain these gatherings with a more familiar term known as family reunions, but at a church. Like many small towns in the South, our churches are often adjacent to a cemetery. Once a year, the tradition is to assemble at the church for a service. We bring flowers to decorate the graves of loved ones, honoring them and their influences in our lives. Three summer Sundays I find myself weaving the roads toward where my heart always resides, Fannin County.

A Little Too Busy

Being busy with the beginning-of-the-year school preparations, I had not been to the grocery store in a while, but  concluded that I had the ingredients to make the family popular cornbread salad. On Saturday evening, I shook the cornmeal into the bowl and added the oil. Reaching in the refrigerator, I frowned, noticing all I had was almond milk. Oh well, this will have to do. The liquid flowed into the cornmeal mixture. Realizing I  had reached the point in life when I can not beat myself up for having to use the wrong kind of milk to make cornbread. I smiled proudly, and anticipated sneaking a few bites when I took it out of the oven.

Cooling it as long as my taste buds would allow, I popped in a small bite into my mouth.

Hmmm…Something is not right! What is that?

I reached for the carton hoping it was not out-of-date when I noticed the words, “coconut almond milk”! Now, I love coconut, but not in a cornbread. How could I have not seen the picture of the freshly cut coconut on the milk? To my serious dismay, I fed some of it to the dogs, who did not seem to mind the added fruity flavor.

Consoling Myself

I went to bed feeling quite defeated. I consoled myself glad that I am the new me because the old me would have beaten myself up for messing up the only recipe I had the ingredients to make.

For so many years, I tried to be perfect. Please do not get me wrong; I knew I wasn’t. But, I somehow felt I needed to be flawless to be accepted and loved. I am not really sure where those feelings came from since I had an unconditionally loving mom, but the anxiety that accompanied my imperfections was real and not healthy for me.

Saved when I was eleven, I learned many things about Christ over the years, but during the last seven years, I have really began to mature spiritually. Carving out a daily time to read my Bible and having prayer time has made a huge difference in my life. I don’t understand how God transformed me, but He has. Now, ninety percent of the time I am totally fine with the goofy mess I am. And when I do forget the other ten percent, I try to remind myself that God created me, and He does not make mistakes.

I decided to pick up some fried chicken on the way over the mountain. However, when I got to the grocery store, they did not have any ready. So, I picked up some potato salad, which no one ate!

The Bright Side

Note to self: While it may be perfectly acceptable to bring store-bought fried chicken to our decoration dinners, don’t bother getting any store bought potato salad. It won’t get eaten. Just come on emptied-handed; you’ll be just as loved!

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Southern Dialect: Summer Mouth -By Donna

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As an elementary teacher, the end of summer and the onset of a new school year means change. Shoes must be worn at all times and no more tank tops and shorts for my daily outfit . I must apply makeup everyday, not just on Sundays. And oh how awful to return to setting the alarm clock for 5:30 in the morning! But the most difficult adjustment is getting rid of my “summer mouth”.

 In June and July, I talk differently. However, “summer mouth” is not appropriate for little ears. While student teaching my senior year in college, I discovered it was not acceptable. The first time my professor observed me he stated, “You can’t talk like that,” 

Really! I can’t talk like that? Tell that to my daddy. When you grow up listening to it your entire life, it is going to rub off on you. 

However, the first day of teaching, I realized Dr. Walker was right. As I stood in front of my students and addressed them, a cute, blond, curly-headed little girl’s eyes widened! “Bo-wees! Bo-wees! What’s a bo-wee?” I looked at her in shock. Everyone knows what a Bo-wee is. Don’t they? Girls and bo-wees! As a result of her comment, I watch what I say.

After eighteen years of teaching, I have mastered the summer mouth transformation. It’s as easy as turning off a light switch. “We ain’t gonna do that” becomes “We will not do that.”, “What in tarnation are ya’ll doin’” turns into “What are you two doing?”, and “Reckon we best get goin’ ’cause it’s fixin’ ta come a ‘show’r” translates to “We better go because it is about to rain.”

Southern Dialect

Each year gets easier because along the way, I have lost a lot of my southern dialect and slang. When you spend hours each day teaching phonics, it’s important to say it right, or shall I say “correctly”. As my professor warned, “No more extra syllables in words, no more exaggerated long vowels, and no more dropping the g on –ing.”  

But I treasure the sound of the south. It is a part of my heritage and my family. Summer mouth reminds me of those I no longer hear talk, like my grandparents. However, if you want to hear what the old South sounds like, my daddy is your man. And I quote, “Well, Golly bum, Isa tryin’ tu put that thang in that there bucket, and I swanny if it didn’t get stuck, and I like ta never got it out.”

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