Jimmy, the only boy cousin among seven girls, lay on his new weight bench, pumping iron. In 1980, the apparatus was simple in style, but that fact did not diminish the excitement we both had for his new toy. The two of us are the same age and are always messing with each other. Cheetos were used as his favorite tool of torture in our youth. Time after time, he would sneak those gross fake-cheese crunches or putrid puffs in my spaghetti, beef stew, or sandwich every chance he could get.

I Can Do Anything You Can Do Better

That day, while Jimmy imagined building his muscles, I started mouthing how I could do anything he could do. Almost scoffing at me, he raised his arms up and down. “You can’t do this. It is too heavy for you.” He continued pumping as I schemed about how to get my fair turn. 

Finally, he tried and left his room. Sitting on the bed, I stared at the weights. If I thought of removing some of the heavy discs to make the load lighter, I do not remember. It is more probable that I was still insistent that I could do anything Jimmy could. So, I bounded from the bed onto the bench. I closed my eyes, imagining where he placed his hands on the bar. Taking in a deep breath, with serious determination, I strained to lift the bar. 

Or At Least Die Trying

I rolled the bar off the Y-shaped stand. It plummeted onto my neck. And it was stuck there.

Right! He was right. I cannot lift this! 

Panic set in as the weights were constricting my air passage. I thought I should yell, but I couldn’t since my voice box was smashed as well! Think. Sit up. Of course, that was not so easy. Slowly, I rolled upward. The clunky bar began sliding from my neck to my chest. Thankfully, I could breath, though labored.

I should not have done this! 

At what seemed like an hour, I had managed to roll the weights onto my lap. From there, I struggled to stand as the bar and weights fell to the floor with a big thump. Dashing out of his room, I prayed he would think he just left them on the floor and I would not have to face the humiliation of the fact that I was so weak!

Still Trying To Prove

Years later, I wonder how many times I have ignored or scoffed off God’s instructions to me. Too many and too embarrassing to reflect. 

Jimmy really was trying to protect me, but would I listen. Nope! Time after time I think I know best for the whos, whats, whens, wheres, hows, and whys! The whens and hows are my weakest links. I seem to want it done my way and when I want it! 

Time After Time

And so, just like that day back in the early 80s, I take things in my own hands. I will give myself a little credit. I do not consciously think I am trying to show God that I can do it myself, without Him. However, I am attempting on my own! Even worse, are the times I pray, asking God for something, and then I pitifully make efforts to do it better! 

Ummm, let’s think about this. 

Jonah thought his way was better, but he ended up inside a whale! Sarah thought her way was better and encouraged her husband to sleep with her nursemaid! 

Today’s Conclusion

Lord, help me! Protect me from myself: my thoughts, my want-it-now timeline, and my impetus actions.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” -Isaiah 55:9