Who Does This? –written by the fly on the wall

Over the years, I have been on the wall of houses, churches, dorms, restaurants, hotels, and stores. But, one of the most entertaining spots to watch these two is from the dashboard of a car. And it was no different three weeks ago:

While teaching kindergarten all week, Donna struggled with the spring crud, was on Prednisone, and had not slept well for days. Her daughter Emily’s play lasted much longer than expected. She didn’t get in bed until 1:00, and she woke at 4:30am!

Meanwhile in Dalton, Karla taught all week and kept three kids under the age of six at night, sleeping on the couch with a four-year-old at times.

Glenn Burns had predicted a torrential downpour for the Saturday Travis, Donna’s son, was to move home from college. Donna texted Karla to mention she would be driving to West Virginia and back in one day because Travis’ stuff would get soaked in the bed of his truck. Of course, she was up for the ride.

Early Morning

“Want to take my car, better gas mileage, and we can use the dual air so you won’t freeze and I won’t fry?”  Not a good idea, Ladies!

Arriving at Karla’s destination, Donna grabbed her meds, and as usual headed to the driver’s seat of Karla’s car, readjusted the seat, and the mirror as Karla began hauling out the three car seats.  Think about what you are doing!

Donna announced, “Don’t ask me how much sleep I got last night.”

Karla replied, “Don’t ask me either.”  Oh, this is gonna be bad. I’ve seen them with little sleep. The silliness will be kicking in extra early.

A Slow Start

Only twenty minutes into the trip, Karla’s stomach growled. With chicken minis and a large iced tea, they plopped into the seat and started down the road once more. The lid was not securely fastened and Karla turned it up to drink. “Ahhh! Half this large tea just poured in my lap and ran down between my legs!” Well, this will prove to be a sticky situation for fourteen hours.

Noticing the gas light was in the red, they stopped. As Donna pumped, Karla went to the outside bathroom. “When you go into that bathroom, take your phone, and take a picture of that sign on the door!” Karla laughed.

After Donna relieved herself, she came out smiling, “Really, who’s gonna get hit by a car when you step out of the bathroom!” Then Karla sprawled out against the car pretending to be the stick figure getting smashed on the metal sign. Seriously, Karla, do you realize people see you draped across the hood of the car!

“We are crazy; we should have taken your car!  Do you realize when we get to Dalton, we will have to switch all Travis’ stuff from my car to yours!” I tried to tell you to think about this; I hope it’s not still raining when you transfer it tonight.

Entertainment

Around Knoxville, the car radio went silent! This will not be good; they cannot survive without songs for karaoke.

“Oh my, gosh!  How are we going to travel a 14-hour trip without music!”

“Plug in my phone and pick something.” Karla started scrolling through Donna’s Pandora saved stations: Conway Twitty, Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang, Johnny Horton, Frank Sinatra, Anne Murray, Contemporary Christian, Blue Grass, Hall-n-Oats…“ Who has this variety?

“Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang it is.” And they immediately broke into chorus, “Oh, you pretty Chitty, Bang, Bang.” I’ve been listening to them sing this for years. I remember them forcing their college friends to watch the movie.

“Here comes the long tunnel through the mountain!  Let’s see if we can hold our breath the whole way. Ready, Set, Go!” They look like chipmunks storing food in their cheeks. And they will do it three more times. This will be the only quite time I get.

“Need a pit stop!”  As Karla entered the stall, she had to peel her jeggings off the back of her legs that had been glued from the sugary tea. That’s got to hurt, and that’s just gross!

West Virginia

Arriving in the school parking lot, they had to wait for Travis to finish with his room inspection. Karla asked, “Do you care if I take a quick nap. I can’t keep my eyes open.” This doesn’t ever happen when they are together.  She is really tired.

“Sure, I don’t need your continuous chatter; the radio’s working again.” Donna sneered in her sarcastic way. So, while Karla passed out for about 15 minutes, Donna amused herself by watching and listening to a male student attempting to stuff the rest of his dorm room overflow into his car. When it was obvious to him this endeavor would fail, he became the local auctioneer. “Ten dollars, just ten dollars for this chair! It won’t fit; need to sale!” He continued to beg his fellow dormsmen as they walked by. “Super comfortable. It’s a great chair!” I know Donna, she is wondering if she has a ten and where she can use that chair! Finally, a dude with a spare dollar or two was the new owner of a well-used chair.

Georgia Bound

With Travis’ truck and the car loaded, they were off leading the way. Upon leaving the school they accidentally went the wrong direction. That is the story of their lives! Travis, even knowing they were in the wrong, followed without question. They realized quickly and turned southbound heading for home.    

The radio continued to provide background music for their giggles for about 50 miles. Until a thudding sound, and it was out again. At some point soon, they will start looking up random people on the internet. Last time it was Michael Landon from Little House on the Prairie!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

When another song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang began playing, they both simultaneously chimed in, “You’re my little Chu-chi face; my coo-chi, coo-chi, woo-chi little chu-chi face…”  Who else knows all the words to this song? After the song was sung with the upmost dramatics, the singing turned into questions as they searched the internet for the characters from the movie. I knew that was coming.  With no need to investigate Dick Van Dyke, they turned to Jemima and Jeremy Potts finding that she lives in an eco-village in the UK while he resides in England working as the Head of Production for a prestigious acting school.

The music to the doll song from Chitty, Chitty came out of the speakers. Oh, no. Donna began stiffly moving her arms and singing “turning around like a music box that’s wound by a key,” and Karla began flailing her arms like a rag-time doll while singing, “Truly Scrumptious.”  For the next five minutes, they continued to act out the scene of Truly Scrumptious and Caractacus Potts the best a driver and rider could. Hands on the wheel please. And you ladies look absolutely ridiculous to the people passing by! Who does that?

“Do you know who played the toy maker?  Benny Hill,” Karla spouted out before even waiting for an answer!  “Did you know this year is the 50th anniversary of the movie!”  Now they are going to want to celebrate this milestone in the near future; movie night with popcorn and Goobers!

“Ooh!  Look up the evil child catcher!” And they found him to have been a very famous Austrian ballet dancer, whose agile movements actually came-in-handy during a near death experience as his child-jail-carriage spun out of control.  There were a few disturbing rumors about him as well.

Evening

As the day moved into evening, they continued their profound researching to discover that Conway Twitty has a son, Michael Twitty who performs concerts and sings his songs.  “And wouldn’t it be fun to take Aunt Anna to see him!” Then they commenced to find a concert for a cousin/aunt trip in the near future. And now they will start singing, “Hello Darlin’.” Yep, I told you.

Needing a bathroom as all 50-year-old ladies do, they took an exit for a potty break, gas fill-up, and food fill-up.  Travis chose McDonald’s, so they ordered oatmeal! Oatmeal from McDonalds’ at this hour?

As they gobbled oats, a man wearing a Cracker Barrel uniform came in, ordered and began to eat. With Cracker Barrel being their favorite restaurant, they looked at each other, whispering loudly. “What is he thinking! You work there, and you eat here! He is insane! Look the TV is playing the old Lawrence Welk show!”  They got up, went to stand, and watch the TV on the wall. People are staring. Poor Travis.

As they arrived back where Donna’s car was waiting, although exhausted, they had to swap all the stuff from one car to another in the rain. I told you so!

“I’ve watched these two for many years, and this is the normal for them. This was actually a mild trip. Perhaps, many people would think they were strange, and say “Who does that?”  My answer is, “two cousins, who enjoy life, and I am glad I was along for the ride!”

For your enjoyment,click on the link to hear Doll on a Music Box! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbX3ZSr43KA