On January 22, Tuesday of this week, marked the fifteenth year of Mama’s death. She fought hard with her twenty-seven-month battle. I have often compared that period of time to crossing a very long bridge. Once we stepped on, there was no going back to the side in which we began. Like all journeys, some days were long and difficult filled with pain and some with pure agony. But, there were also sweet, precious times as well, desiring to make every moment a memory.
I have numerous words that could easily ramble into days worth of stories when I think of Mom. Her presence in my life is matched by no one else, and the period of days, months, and years that followed as I mourned her death were among the most difficult of my life.
For several weeks approaching the twenty-second of January, I seemed to almost fixate on the number fifteen. How could fifteen years have passed since I had heard her laugh, watched her tear up for one less fortunate, or seen her red-headed temper flare a bit?
Honestly, I had fallen into the trap where I found myself looking around to see fifteen years worth of not having my mom while others still have theirs. Fifteen years that I could have been asking questions, learning more, and enjoying time with her. It is the stupid little things like “Mom, where’s the recipe for those cabbage rolls you used to make when we were kids?” The girls and I could have been watching so many “life lesson” movies with her. She loved the type of films where lessons could be learned. Sometimes, I have wanted to scream! Why?
Frankly, there are more days over these last fifteen years when I have felt her absence within. I have longed for her voice to cheer me and offer encouragement on days when I was overwhelmed. The need or reaction of picking up the phone for her advice has ranged from paint colors for the kitchen to “Mom, how did you do it! I only have two girls; you had four! How did you survive?”
Thankfully, I have learned to look up. During the weeks leading up to the twenty-second, I have realized that I focused on the wrong fifteen. My concentration of looking around and looking inward was not bringing me any happiness. Rather, I brought myself unneeded sadness. That is just like me to forgot where God has always told me to direct my attention…upward on Him.
This past week, I should have been thinking of fifteen blessing about Mom. Of course, I have many more wonderful things I could list than just these. But for now, with my eyes set on the right fifteen, in no particular rhyme or reason…here goes.
God, thank You for giving me my mom! Mom blessed me by…
- Making hot chocolate on snow days
- Tucking me in bed at night
- Teaching me about Jesus and taking me to church
- Not “pinching my head off” like she said she was going to all those years, but forced me to take responsibility of my wrong doings
- Teaching me the importance of hard work
- Teaching me to eat my fruits and vegetables daily
- Taking me fishing and reminding me to stop to smell the roses
- Showing me that God is always by my side
- Showing me how to care for people and giving to those less fortunate
- Loving a good game of football
- Reminding me that when I feel bad, brushing my teeth and washing my face makes me feel better
- Giving me three wonderful sisters
- Making me understand that family is a rare gift
- Modeling being a mom who sacrifices
- Teaching me why and how to respect myself and others
Now, I pose a challenge for you to do one of the following:
*Make a list
*Pick up the phone or write a letter if you are so fortunate
*Say a prayer of thanksgiving
*And perhaps…Post a few here to honor your mom!
