In the South we tend to have lazy tongues. We omit our ending sounds: going becomes goin’ and kept becomes kep’. Recently while in Texas, Karla and I decided to stop at a local restaurant. When we walked in, It had a small down-home feeling. Besides us, there were only about eight other patrons in the place. We quickly noticed the man who was making rounds from table to table. Clearly, everyone knew him. He reminded us of Uncle Jesse from the TV show The Dukes of Hazzard (‘79-’85). He wore faded blue overalls and a button up shirt. Snow white hair graced his head and face.
After table-hopping to visit the other locals, he approached our table with a huge smile that could only be detected because his beard widened. “Hey ladies. I’ve spoke to ever’body else, so I had to come tell y’all hello too. That way you can say the crazy pastor talked to you too.” We smiled, laughed, and said hello. But as soon as he walked away, we looked at each other with unsure, large eyes. “Did he say pastor or bastard?” I questioned in a whisper voice, half laughing and half alarmed. Immediately, Karla replied, “I was gonna ask you the same thing! I think he said pastor. I mean ever’one in here knows him, and he’s so nice and friendly.” I said, “True, but it sure sounded more like bastard, just with the d dropped.”
Confusion
Now if you were a teen in the late 80’s or early 90’s, you probably watched Saturday Night Live at some point. This situation reminded me of the “Pat” character. Pat was an individual in skits, and it was never clear if Pat was a male or female. After our brief remembrance of Pat, we felt we were in a similar boat.
In five minutes or so another local came in the door. They immediately recognized each other. The man walked over to “Uncle Jesse” and said, “Hey man, how are ya?” Jesse replied, “I have my wife and my Bible; I am great! ” Karla and I smiled, shook our heads up and down, whispering, “He said pastor.”
As we ate our salads, we heard him loudly talking. He remarked about all the “s–t” that has been going on lately. We made eye contact and silently mouthed, “he said bastard.” While we waited for our steak and chicken to arrive, we were pretty sure he was bowing his head, saying the blessing. Maybe we were wrong, maybe we didn’t hear the s word earlier. He probably said pastor.
Ketchup on a Steak
Being that we were in Texas, I ordered a nice, big steak. I asked the waitress for ketchup. She brought it back and placed it on the table. As I squirted it onto my plate, Uncle Jesse yelled across the room. “You best not be puttin’ ketchup on a steak!” I looked up and Uncle Jesse was glaring at me! Now I do eat ketchup on a steak, but I sure wasn’t going to tell him that. But instead of lying, I smiled and held up a fry, leading him to believe the ketchup was for them. Karla became tickled as she pointed out that before dipping my steak each time, I made sure he wasn’t looking. I felt as if I was doing something I would have gotten in trouble for when I was a kid.
After his wife was paying for their meal, he came over and apologized for the ketchup comment. He said he was just kidding and talked so sweetly about his wife and his local friends. Karla and I nodded at each other and smiled, signaling “pastor”, but the conversation took a quick turn. He began talking about when he was a kid. Every sentence contained a curse word. We raised our eyebrows signaling “bastard”. When He bid us farewell, he took his wife by the hand and left.
Deceiving Ourselves
The irony of the situation was the wall Karla’s seat faced was covered with crosses. So many sizes and shapes. There must have been 50, but the wall I faced was decorated with shot glasses.
When we got in the car, Karla remarked that so many Christians are like that. One minute we are a shining light for Christ and the next we are doing something that makes people wonder if we are a Christian at all. Surely, our sinful nature confuses the unsaved leaving them to wonder how our lives as Christian are any different than theirs.
I’m not saying that if we say a curse word, tell a lie, or take a little something from our workplace that we are not Christian. Most believers have done one or even all of these, but it may cause a non-Christian to take a double take.
Though Christians are human and still sin daily, we should be striving to be different! In James 1:22, the Bible says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
Uncle Jessie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TaWtUFmtNE