On a recent trip, Karla and I took a walk down the sandy shores of Panama City Beach. As we strolled, we talked about many things. On this particular day, Satan was accusing me of being a bad parent. This is a fear that haunts me daily and torments me when I allow it. Feeling broken, I bared my soul to my dear friend. We would occasionally stop and pick up a seashell that drew our attention. Through my teary eyes, I searched that sandy beach for the perfect shell.

Later after we had returned to the condo and showered, I gazed in amazement at a little shell that Karla had given me. It was a beautiful Calico Scallop. It had pink and white tones and was just perfect! But then, I began to look at it closely, marveling at the workmanship. As I examined it, I noticed a crack here and a chip there, and finally, I saw that it was not perfect. The shell had been out in the ocean, being pounded and beat into the shore. Despite all the storms it had endured and the cracks that it had acquired, it was still beautiful and was serving its purpose: to glorify God.

I am Broken

Suddenly, I was this shell. I saw myself in the ocean being beaten and tossed about in those strong waves. My mind reflected over the many storms that I had gone through and the times that my heart had been broken. Tears flowed as I thought back to the day my biological mother left me at nine years old to be given up for adoption. Painfully, I thought of the adopted parents, who after nine years of living with them told me that they had done everything they could for me, I was now on my own. I remembered the day that the man I loved walked out on me and our week-old baby.

Sadly, I thought of how I had been chipped and cracked and even rejected by those who passed by. I had been broken and cracked and felt useless to others. Then, I remembered that this is how God found me, broken, chipped, and scarred. But He picked me up anyway.

No Such Thing as Perfect

My thoughts went back to the many shells that we passed by because they did not make it through the harshness of the ocean. They were broken and useless. This is how the world often views us. They look at our chips and our cracks, and they do not have any use for us. The world does not care that we are beautiful despite our environment. You see, the world is looking for that perfect shell. Webster’s dictionary defines perfect as “Complete in all respects; without defect or omission; sound; flawless.”  Well, that is quite a definition to live up to. Especially since there is no such thing as perfect in this world.

I smiled through my tears as I realized that there is a God who looks at me through perfect eyes. When Jesus found me, I was broken, weak, and useless. But that’s where I had to get to allow Him to pick me up and to make use of me.  I still have the chips and cracks that the world left me with, but I know that God uses those imperfections so that I can encourage others with similar wounds. Far from perfect am I, but I am no longer useless. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the same God that created that shell (Psalm 139:14). The shell and I have the same purpose: to glorify God by being who He made us to be.

If you are feeling broken and cracked and beaten down by the ocean, don’t despair.  All you have to do is ask Jesus to pick you up. He will gladly do so. Take courage, you are useful despite your cracks and chips. He will use you to do what we were made to do: Glorify Him by being us.

-Patty