Humor: Afternoon Delight -By Karla

Desiring to Alter the Birth Order

Growing up in the 70’s, God placed me smack-dab in the middle of the eight grandchildren. The adults referred to us as the “big kids”, ranging from about ten to thirteen, and the “little kids”, ages eight and down to four. Lynn, Kay, Gail, and Nanette made up the “big kid” group, while Jimmy, myself, Denise, and Julie made up the “little kids”. Oh, how I yearned to advance to the “big kid” group.

Being One of the Little Kids

It was a common occurrence to find the eight-of-us in Nana’s basement, using the saw horses and plywood from Granddaddy’s construction business to build a stage. Utilizing the downstairs’ clothesline, we hung Granddaddy’s wool, green army blankets to make theatrical curtains. We would practice all afternoon, and then present our production for the adults, who sat in lawn chairs, that evening. We had hours of fun.

I remember the time when the “little kids” had to be bears with a target on their butts. The “big kids” took old rags and drew circles with red lipstick. Then we, the little kids, had to tuck the target into the back of our shorts, letting it drape over our derrieres!

I pouted and cried, like that helped me look like one of the “big kids”. We had to dance around shaking our target-ladened booties as the eight of us acted out Johnny Horton’s “Ole Slew Foot” song.

“He’s big around the middle and he’s broad across the rum

Running ninety miles an hour taking thirty feet a jump

Ain’t never been caught; He ain’t never been treed

And some folks say he looks a lot like me. (Except we changed the word me to say he looks a lot like Granddaddy!)

Everyone died laughing!

We had such good times in that basement. However, I felt doomed to be one of the “little kids” my whole life!

Alas, The Chance to be a Big Kid

Aunt Anna and her family lived south of Atlanta in Jonesboro during these years. Sometimes, my sisters and I would spend a few nights with them during the summer.

On these days there was only six of us, but the names were still the same: The “big kids”, who could go around the corner to walk or ride bikes, and the “little kids”, who given strict instructions to stay on the street directly in front of Aunt Anna’s house.

The “big kids” would come back from their walk into complete freedom, with huge grins on their faces. They would giggle and whisper their secrets from the beyond.

“I can’t believe he was outside! Oh, Gail, did you see him?”

“Yes, he is so cute!”

Oh! I so wanted to round the corner with them. “Who, who? Tell me who you saw. Please!”

“Robert. He’s sooo cute!”

“Yep, he wears his cut off blue jean shorts and sits out on his porch.”

“I want to go with y’all! Please take me!” I begged and pleaded until once they begrudgingly allowed me to tag along.

I beamed, “Will he be there?”

“Shh! We’ll have to look for his orange van to see.” They tried to act cool.

Orange van?

Seeing Robert

“Yep, and you know the song ‘Afternoon Delight’? It’s painted across the side of it.

Now please know that as far as our innocent minds were concerned, afternoon delight probably had something to do with the ice cream truck that made its way through the neighborhood around 2:00 every day.

Rounding the corner, Kay began singing, “Sky rockets in flight”, and we all joined in, “Afternoon delight, afternoon delight, afternoon delight with long notes held out and the dramatic pauses for effect.

We were singing and laughing when we saw the orange van. And The tanned, twenty-something handsome Robert was on the porch also.

I thought I had arrived!

However, when we got back to Aunt Anna’s, my short-time advancement into the “big kid” league had pretty much ended. Thankfully, Jimmy and Julie were ready for me to come back to play with them.

A More Recent Van

I recently loaned my daughter Rachel my car while hers was in the shop. I borrowed a car from my sister, but it broke down. So I then borrowed from two different friends. Finally, I rented a car.

When a precious lady from my small group Bible study found out is was renting a car, she let me borrow her van.

I arrived at her house so grateful. Patty sheepishly told me she had forgotten that there was an issue with it he van.

“I bought a new couch, but it is still inside my van because I am waiting for the old one to be picked. But, if you do not mind having a van in the back, please feel free to still borrow it though. I am sorry.”

Couch or not couch, I need something to drive.

I thanked her and drove off thinking. It has been a tough couple of weeks with car issues. I was close to a pity party, but burst laughing!

“Robert, you ain’t got nothing on me!”

And I began singing, “Sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight…”

-Karla

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