Category Archives: Light-hearted Humor

These blogs are about light-hearted funny stories.

Teachers: Not Naming Names –by Donna

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If you were a fly on the wall in a school in August, you would hear many humorous stories. Not about the students, but the teachers. Teachers have to retrain themselves, right down to our bladders. During the summer we “go” whenever the urge hits, but in school, you may be holding it a very long time. Going back to school can be exhausting: emotionally, mentally and physically. We all love our job and are thankful for summer break, but retraining our minds and bodies is difficult. Getting up early, being on your feet most of the day, and being responsible for umpteen students is exasperating at times.

I have many friends and family members who are teachers. I shan’t name any names, but these are some things that have happened the last two weeks.

Teacher Troubles

Teacher A was so tired she was asleep last night by 7, yet she overslept. But being the dedicated teacher she is, she made it on time. She came with wet hair, but whatever it takes.

Teacher B went to bed on Friday. Woke up the next morning and her contacts were not in the contact case. They were not in her eyes either. She had no recollection of even putting the contact solution in the case. Where are they? Only God knows. 

Teacher C wore her dress to school backwards. She wore it all day long before noticing.

Teacher D sprayed her hair with foaming bathroom cleaner rather than hairspray.

Teacher E drank her thermos of hot tea as she does every day. After a few hours, she thought it tasted bland and opened it up to see she had forgotten the tea bag and had only been drinking hot water all morning.

Teacher F may take the prize. Teacher F decided to have flowers delivered to her principal. But, she accidentally put her own name as the receiver. She had beautiful flowers delivered to herself! She was the giver and receiver.

National Teacher Exhaustion Month

Several years ago I was diagnosed as slightly anemic. During that time, I could barely function in the evenings. My children would tell me something important, and we would have an entire conversation about it. The next day I would have no memory of it. They began to say, “Don’t tell Mom anything after ten. She won’t remember it.” It was true. I would fall asleep in the recliner almost every night. It didn’t matter what was on TV or what was going on. That is how August is for a lot of teachers. We could name it, National Teacher Exhaustion Month.

I am thankful that God never tires. He is always wide awake. He never forgets our conversations, and never loses His focus. Our Father is never late or confused. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow–always at His best for us.

Psalms 121:4 …indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

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Trust Fall – by Karla

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1, 2, 3…jump. The preschooler leans over the vast depth of the pool water, eyes wide with excitement, trusting the loved one to catch her.

Peddling and swerving; peddling and straightening. The youngster continues, believing the parent will keep holding his bike, guiding him until he is balanced and free to continue on his own. 

The “flyer” on a cheerleading squad is tossed high above the others, trusting her teammates will be waiting below ready to protect her descend with wide open arms.

“Take the keys to the car and run to the store,” are perhaps the most exciting trust words ever spoken to the sixteen-year-old.

The Concept of Trust

As we age, trust can become more difficult. According to the dictionary, trust can be defined as having confidence, faith, or hope in someone or something.

Sadly, in today’s world, the concept of trust has grown rather weak over the years, like a man’s handshake that has been diluted into a “yeah, whatever” agreement.

Most of us have dealt with the feeling of mistrust when it comes to others. Some days, it might seem the only one you can trust is your faithful dog, but he might even run off if tempted with a juicy bone.

Christian Friends

Let me tell you, I have some wonderful Christian friends: companions who have listened to me cry, rant, cheer, and laugh. Some pals have stood with me through thick and thin. How did I get so blessed to have such truly trusted friends? I looked in the right place. I found the ones with their hands stretched out ready to serve. Although Christian friends will not be perfect, they will give of themselves to the best of their ability.

God, I thank you for your creation of Christian friendships and what they mean to me. I will end with a short summary of recent events which illustrates the kind of friend I wish for you… 

Moving Day

Donna and I were moving boxes, most were very heavy. Scorching heat steamed around 95 degrees! Arms loaded, we traipsed back and forth getting boxes and moving them to the car. At times, when we were heaving and hoeing, we laughed until we cried. We’d pick up a box and look wide-eyed at each other as if to say there’s no way we can get this box of lead into the car. Our giggles started draining even more strength from our weak and flabby arms, which usually resulted in the box dropping. Though some of our laughter left us snorting and almost having tears run down our legs, we somehow managed to get everything loaded for each trip to and fro.

While moving the contents, we often used hand trucks. Stacking the boxes higher and higher, we discussed how much the dollie could hold. Many times, Donna would say, “I’m telling you; this thing can hold a refrigerator!” So, we stacked on another box. Driving the loaded cart was not an easy task, but Donna continued to say, “This thing can hold a refrigerator!”

Somewhere along the path when I had an empty cart and exhaustion had about set in, I said, “Hop on, Donna. I’ll take you for a ride.” Her tired eyes cut to the corner, “You already pushed me and let me surf on the flat utility cart. It’s your turn!”

“You can’t push me! I replied.

Without skipping a beat, she replied, “This thing can hold a refrigerator!”

Trust Fall

“You can’t hold me.” I repeated as we continued walking in silence. I glanced over, seeing her eyes calculating my weight and her strength. Then her mouth twisted to the side. Donna has been my best friend (and cousin) for as long as I can remember. I knew the determined look: I can too! I immediately stopped the hand truck leveling to the floor and took my rightful place, standing on its flat metal platform.

Talk about a trust fall! The thought that she could NOT hold me steady never crossed my mind. She is my devout friend with whom I trust. Crossing my arms over my chest, I felt my body leaning slowly backwards, and backwards, and backwards. Uhhh, I’m not stopping!

Gradually, I reclined until I was jolted flat onto the floor. Now crashing to the ground while lying on metal might sound very painful. But when you have a good friend, she will do everything in her power to protect you. And that is exactly what Donna did. She broke the fall and went down with me.

Then we just sat and laughed and laughed.

Trust God

God is the ultimate trust. He, and He alone, will never fail us.

  •  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
  • “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.” Psalm 125:1

God is so good to us, being available 24/7. However, He knows His creation well. He knew we would need fellowship. He knows we need someone that we can physically see. Thus, Christian friendship was born.

*Even if you totally trust your friend, human strength can give way. However, trust in God, for He will NEVER fail you. 

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Dolphins: The Best Day, Ever — By: Donna

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One of the things I love about teaching younger children is their joy. During a 180-day school year, you wouldn’t believe the number of days I hear, “This is the best day, ever!” All it takes is doing something different. Now I know that whatever that day held, it was not as great as Christmas morning, vacation, or their birthday party. Why do they say that…because they live in the moment.  They find joy and fulfillment in the here and now.

Dolphins

On my birthday this year, I had the “best day ever!’ I have always loved dolphins. I suppose my love came from the TV show Flipper. The first time I went to Florida, at age 6, I came home with a stuffed dolphin, and a dolphin hat, and T-shirt. A few years later I chose a Miami football satchel, just because it had a dolphin on it. Growing up not far from Six Flags over Georgia, I loved watching the daily Dolphin show multiple times when we went.

One of the items on my bucket list is to swim with dolphins in the ocean. I have always wanted to, but it is pricey. I didn’t want to swim dolphins in captivity because I thought that aspect would make me sad. Karla and I were in Florida on my birthday this year, and we decided to find something fun to do. As we looked for options, the dolphin advertisement kept popping up. I decided to just do it. I booked with Panama City Beach Dolphin Tour and More. They had a 98% rate of seeing dolphins.

Anchors Away

I was so ready to have a blast. But when we loaded the small ship, many of the other passengers were drinking heavily and cursing a lot. It made me uncomfortable. As adults, we sometimes let distractions deprive us from the moment of fun. I decided not to allow their actions to spoil my opportunity.

I was very excited! When we sailed far out, Captain Dane pointed saying, “There they are!”. I became a three-year-old. I stood up, bouncing up and down, clenching my fist with anticipation. The captain began shouting, “jump in, jump in.” Passengers jumped in and began treading water. Not me. I took off swimming as fast as I could. I soon found myself swimming underwater with three dolphins. The dolphin in the lead had a huge fish dangling from his mouth. It was an incredible site. I was swimming with dolphins in the wild!! As a first timer, I was required to wear a life jacket. I am a rule follower, so I obliged, even though I felt I did not need the safety measure. To my dismay, the jacket would not allow me to dive down deeper. It was pure exhilarating torture.

 

Incredible Memory

When they swam away, we loaded the ship and headed to find more. I asked if I could remove my life jacket. I was given the okay. This time when we stopped, I did not wait and let all the children go first, like I did before. This was my chance, and I wanted to make the most of the experience. I was the second off and swam toward their fins as fast as lightning. However, they submerged, and I lost sight of them. The captain pointed and yelled to me, “Right there! There!” I assumed he could see them since he was up high, so I just dove straight down. I was soon underwater right beside three dolphins.

There are no words to describe my feelings. I took it all in — creating an incredible memory. I listened to their conversation of clicks and squeaks. Their long bodies bent and their mouths opened and closed. It was as if I was watching a movie. It was surreal. Then one turned around and began swimming toward me. Needing air, pressure began building in my chest and I knew I couldn’t last much longer. I kicked my legs as hard as I could, extending my arm. I was within 6 inches from his sleek body when he dove down. So close, I almost touched him. I tried to swim down but decided I wouldn’t make it and headed for air.

It’s Your Birthday

When the dolphins retreated and we took our seats, thunder roared. Captain Dane took off his shirt so it wouldn’t get wet and announced, “Ladies and Gentleman, look what we have ahead”. We looked and knew we were about to get drenched. The small canvas at one end of the boat was only big enough for a couple of people. As the cold rain began pelting us like crushed ice, the expressions of the passengers were not good. But suddenly it was as if everyone decided to be present in the moment and enjoy. Laughter began ringing out from everyone.

Karla burst into the Happy Birthday song and everyone joined in. Our captain cranked up the music, “Go shorty, It’s your birthday. We gonna party like it’s your birthday.” Some began to dance. It was truly raining cats and dogs. We could have all been miserable, but instead we had a blast.

After the rain storm, our captain passed out crackers and we fed the seagulls that were circling above the ship. Later, we stopped to snorkel. We saw pufferfish, starfish, seahorses and much more. Our skipper Patrick let us hold them and told us all about each one. 

On Friday, I turned 54, but what fun I had seeing the ocean through the eyes of a child. Be childlike. You can’t go swimming with dolphins every day, but find something to make your day the best day ever. Once this day is gone, you will never have it again.

“What day is it?” asked Pooh.

“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

“My favorite day,” said Pooh.

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Thoughts: Can You Hear Me Now? -Karla

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Donna was having the tires rotated and balanced. She sat outside enjoying the sunshine while she waited. What better way to kill time than to call her BFF, share some thoughts and shoot the breeze?When my phone rang, I paused from my house cleaning to sit a spell (as Nana would have said), so we could catch up with the last 24 hours of our lives.

What Happened?

After chit-chatting casually about current quarantine dilemmas and on-line school challenges and successes, she broke into another conversation. The topic was one that only besties would share. I listened intently as she unfolded the details. All of a sudden, I could not hear her. The call was not dropped. Clearly, she was there; I could hear noises in the background.

“Donna, can you hear me? Donna? What are those noises? Did you drop your phone?“ Maybe her phone broke. “Donna? Hello? Can you hear me?” This is weird; I hear male voices in the background. “Hello, where are you? Can you hear me now?” I laughed mocking the older Verizon commercial. 

With no reply, I shrugged my shoulders and hung up. That was one of the weirdest phone call issues I have ever had. Where did she go? It wasn’t like the call dropped. Hmmmm. Hopefully, she’ll call back; she was just getting to the good stuff. Maybe I should try to call her back?

Don’t Call Back

As the familiar “you have a text message” ding came through, I read, “DON’T call back.” Now my mind was totally intrigued as I was left dangling wanting to know the rest of the story and why I couldn’t call back with a capital DON’T! What had happened with her phone?

Within 15 minutes, my phone rang. Neither of us could hardly get a word in as we tried to recall the events of the mishap. I snorted when Donna revealed, “Oh my gosh, Karla! Apparently when my car was cranked, my phone automatically connected to my car speaker. They guys in the shop were listening to our entire conversation!!” 

“Wait, they just heard what we were talking about! Can they still hear us now? ”

“No, that is why I told you to wait so that I could disconnect it from the car.” 

She continued with the story, as now we were safe from outside ears. However, it was not without hoots of laughter because we were continuously visualizing the mechanics’ faces as they were listening to the beginnings of our conversation.

God Hears Our Thoughts

When I got off the phone, I was still chuckling! I believe the truth that someone is always listening, but I don’t think it is usually mechanics. Rather, it is God. He hears everything we say; in fact, he hears everything we think!

Many of us grew up hearing, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” We tend to think that as long as we didn’t say it out loud, we did nothing wrong. But your thoughts are heard. Matthew 12: 25 “Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them… Luke 6:8 “But Jesus knew what they were thinking…” Matthew 9:4 “knowing their thoughts, Jesus said…”; these are just a few examples of Jesus’ all knowing power.

God knows everything about us. 

Psalms 139:2- 3 (NIV) You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

I think God is not listening to be nosey. Rather, He listens because He cares. 

Yes, we often remember to curb our words, realizing they should not be spoken, but God would love us to go one step further and be aware of our thoughts. So, that they will both honor God.

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Figurative Language: Hope You Are All Ears- by Donna

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“There is a guy stealing IPhones around town. At some point he’s going to face time.” (pun)

Did you laugh? I did. I absolutely love a play on “words”. In fact, I like the many things you can do with words. Now that may sound strange to you and maybe I stick out like a sore thumb (simile), but words can be fun and interesting.

“Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards…. ….creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is.” 

Being a reading and writing teacher, I love teaching figurative language: metaphors, hyperboles, alliteration, personification and idioms. The origin of many idioms is fascinating. I have googled a kazillion times (hyperbole) where a phrase or idiom comes from. Take these for example:

I’m all ears!

Idiom Origins

Example: Johnny was a thief his whole life, but decided to turn over a new leaf. 

Turn over a new leaf: In the 16th century the pages of a book were called leaves. The saying refers to turning over to a blank page and starting over. This saying came about centuries ago.

Example: The doctor gave Carrie a clean bill of health.

A clean bill of health: In the 1800’s, a ship from another country could not dock until all the passengers on the ship were cleared from the possibility of carrying a disease. After the ship’s captain was handed the paper, a bill of health, stating that there was no sickness on the ship, he was given permission to dock.

Now you have to admit those were interesting, intriguing, and informative idioms (alliteration).  My computer even enjoyed the repetitive stroke of the letter I (personification). I am sorry if this overload of information makes me a walking textbook (metaphor). Snort, giggle, snort. (onomatopoeia) 

Karla and Donna

Read the paragraphs below about Karla and me. I know that sounds like an assignment, but after all I am a teacher.

Karla and I have never had an argument, but we don’t always see eye to eye. If we have different perspectives on something, we talk it out getting to the root of the matter. We never use each other as a scapegoat or put words in the other’s mouth. Usually, we start laughing and simply wash our hands of the matter and move on. 

We love life and like to eat, drink, and be merry. But, neither one of us has a sense of direction; we are like the blind leading the blind. Sometimes we are at our wits end by the time we make it to our destination. To those who know us, that is nothing new under the sun. Sometimes we even have to go the extra mile –honestly, it might be many extra miles. But what is a mere hour lost, it’s just a drop in the bucket of time.

From the Good Book

The bold phrases/words are ones we use often. Where were they derived from?  The BIBLE! Yep, awesome isn’t it. I hope you enjoyed your lesson for today!

Eye to eye: (Isaiah 52:8)

Root of the matter: (Job 19:28)

Scapegoat (Leviticus 16: 9-10)

Put words in one’s mouth (2 Samuel 14:3)

Wash our hands of the matter (Matthew 27:24)

The blind leading the blind (Matthew 15:13-14)

Wits end (Psalms 107:27)

Nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9)

Go the extra mile (Matthew 5:41)

A drop in the bucket (Isaiah 40:15)

For alliteration fun, view this video of Johnny Carson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgYbogp1Ha0

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Childhood Memories: Slipping Away -by Karla

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Some of the Greats

Growing Up with Harriet

Within ten days Lyle Waggner, Kenny Rogers, and Fred Neal, better known as Curly from the beloved Harlem Globetrotters, all three died. Though they are not the most important people to the world as a whole, they are a piece of my childhood. It seems more and more famous people, who were a big part of my growing up, have passed in the last few years. 

One might think I am a little cheesy, but I am one of “those people” who enjoy TV series reunions. When Katherine MacGregor, Harriet Oleson on Little House on the Prairie, died in 2018, I googled her and found myself thinking, What I missed that reunion! I didn’t even know they made one! Oh how I love asking Siri to show me current pictures of celebrities from my childhood. Of course, then I am hooked and have to read entire articles about their lives. It is not uncommon for me to send Donna and my sisters a current picture of someone we watched as a child to create a “guess who this is” game.  

Disliking Unfamiliar Faces

This is not new for me. Not at all. If I could find my senior yearbook and looked up my adbors, I would find, “doesn’t like an unfamiliar face”, and not being able to recall from where I knew them. Mostly, that applied to celebrities that I could not remember what show or movie they played in. My sister Gail still teases me about the lady that we refer to as “Janice’s mother”, a character from Days of our Lives back in the 1970’s. In fact, the other day, I was watching some old TV show, and I thought, There’s Janice’s mother! I walked over and took a picture. I sent it to Gail, and she replied, “Wow, I think you are right!” Well, I just had to know or sure. So, I started googling, and yep, after about 30 minutes of research, I realized it was really her. Honestly, how can I remember what a character from the 1970’s looks like when I can’t find my car keys or cell phone on a regular basis! 

As I began reminiscing about Lyle Wagner, Kenny Rogers, and Curly, who are attached to wonderful childhood memories, I began thinking of others that have died in the last few years. And so, I invite you into my memories…

Lyle Waggoner

Now, really I was too young to watch him in one of my all time favorite shows, Carol Burnette, but I have so enjoyed the reruns of his scenes on the show. Then there was Wonder Woman! I so loved Lynda Carter and him. I must have done a million twirls in my childhood trying to get a hold of my golden truth lasso and my headband boomerang! 

Kenny Rogers

My memories that relate to him are about as long as his list of hits! I will contain myself to the early 70’s as not to share them all–expect the memory of 1982. 

Lucille

I must have sung that song thousands of times in the back of Granddaddy’s blue ‘74 truck. My cousins and sisters would ride in the bed of the truck singing to the top of our lungs while we took turns sitting on the tire-bump-seat. This drive always took us to the Lakewood Grocery to pick up a few necessities but also included a treat from Grandaddy. He gave allowed u to pick out our favorite ice cream or candy bar. I selected a Mayfield’s chocolate ice cream cup complete with a wooden spoon or a 100 Grand candy bar.

   The Gambler

Again, the memory pulls me back to Nana and Granddaddy’s with seven adults and eight grandkids sitting around my Uncle Max, who had his guitar in hand and harmonica in mouth. Two cousins would sing The Gambler among so many other songs. We sang and laughed and listened to story after story of the olden days while people took turns churning the homemade peach ice cream. 

 Islands in the Stream

    : My sister Gail and I worked at the Burger Hof, a small fast-food restaurant in Blue Ridge, Georgia. Man, we had such fun times that summer. We were 18 and 15. There was a jukebox, and people were always putting in quarters to play their favorites. Once a man–like a full-grown thirty-something kind of man–put in his change and played Islands in the Stream. Then he walked up to Gail and told her that he was playing it for them! I think we both almost died! He was a regular, and he regularly played the song “for them” when he was in there. Oh, the laughs we have had over that memory! 

Curly

I watched Curly, Medowlark Lemon, and the other Harlem Globetrotters out jump, steal, and out smart their opponents for years. I wanted to spin my basketball on my index finger and make trick shots just like they did. If they were on TV, my sisters and I were in the living room watching them sail their way down the court or dump a bucket of red, white, and blue confetti on someone in the audience. They totally entertained and amazed me! 

Tim Conway

Mom took us to see The Apple Dumpling Gang when I was about nine. Tim Conway, Harry Morgan (MASH), Bill Bixby (The Incredible Hulk) starred in the movie. I think maybe that’s where my love for simple TV westerns came. The High Chaparral, The Rifleman, or The Big Valley were always playing at my house on Saturday afternoons.. Mom and I had so many laughs watching Tim Conway as Mr. Tudball or “the old man”. I would be laughing at Tim Conway while Mom was laughing at me rolling at his antics. 

Penny Marshall

Tuesday’s nights were Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley. “Aaaaaa!” Need I say more?

Roy Clark

HEEEE-HAWWW! Saturday nights at Nana and Granddaddy’s  were the only “acceptable” times that my little sister Julie and I could spit on each other! “You met another and pfft you were gone!”

Charlotte Rae

One evening when Julie and I were spending the night with Nana and Granddaddy, we asked if we could watch the Facts of Life. I thought my sweet Nana was going to have a coronary with just the mention of the title. Nope, we missed that episode. 

Gloria Vanderbilt

Oh! How I wanted a pair of her jeans. I lived for a little swan to be sewn on my pocket. In the early 2000’s when I was wearing a pair of pants that I purchased a couple of months before, I was talking with a co-worker. As we discussed the designer clothes we wanted as a kid, I noticed the swan on my pocket. It was then that I knew I had finally arrived! 

Though there are many more, I will end with . . .


Glenn Campbell

I believe every time I rode in our station wagon with the side panels made of wood, Rhinestone Cowboy was playing. “The way back” was not carpeted in ours and no seat belts were worn, so on purpose Julie and I would sling ourselves as hard and fast as we could from one side to the other singing “Riding out on a horse in the star-spangled rodeo” to the top of our lungs, until we heard the words, “Girls, settle down.”

Yep, “the oldies but goodies” keep slipping away one by one. But my precious childhood memories…they are as alive as ever! 

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Childhood Memories: Fuselage -By Karla

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The WASPS Museum

When Donna asked if she could have her picture taken on the wing of the aircraft like her grandmother, the director of the WASP museum enthusiastically obliged. “Stay on the fuselage,” I heard her say.

What an incredible memory we made at the WASP Museum learning about Donna’s grandmother Marion and about the WASPS. Donna’s blog WASPS

To my knowledge, I had never heard that word before, but I immediately knew what the word must have meant. In my childhood, I heard the phrase, “don’t get off the black strip” every time I climbed up on the wing of daddy’s plane.

Transported back to my Childhood Memories

That one word uncovered such treasured moments. Being only eleven when Daddy died, I don’t have many memories of him. Of the remembrances I do have, his plane and the airport are present. Daddy had acquired his pilot license during his short stay in the US Air Force, while Mom earned hers as a means of taking care of her girls “in case there was ever an emergency while in the air”.

Many of my Sunday afternoons were spent at the airport. Sometimes, we would go up and “fly a pattern”, but other times we simply hung out at the hanger. The adults sat in the lounge sharing stories of the week while my three sisters, two of our best friends (Sarah and Martha), and I would play house, tag, or hide-and-seek around the planes parked outside. With the airport nestled in Copperhill, Tennessee, we often ventured out into the copper-colored gullies, just beyond the tarmac, where each of us claimed a ravine as a pretend home. 

Personal Search Party

One afternoon my older sisters went beyond the gullies because they apparently heard some kids having a birthday party and wanted to check it out. Since Mom’s voice was a little too far out of reach, she sent Daddy in the air for a private search party using the bird’s eye view. He did, they were recovered, and knowing Mom—they probably received a spanking for venturing too far.

Eating What?

Another day while playing hide and seek, I got hungry. I walked inside to grab the Pepperidge Farms snacks Mom ALWAYS brought. As I closed the heavy metal door coming back out, Martha was spotted beside the tire of her daddy’s plane. Everyone came running to base, and my oldest sister Lynn asked what I was eating. Looking at her like she was crazy, I said, “The snacks Mom brought.” 

In the way a big sister corrects, she replied, “Mom did not bring any today.” 

Proving her wrong, I marched over to the door and pointed to the square card table where Mom always set up snacks.. 

Lynn panicked! “That’s not Mom’s snacks; she didn’t bring any. That’s Shultz’s dog food!” (One of the adults had his dog with him.) 

The six of us stood there silently, wondering how much I had just eaten and how sick I would be. Lynn nudged me inside the door as the five of them glued themselves to the window, anticipating my outcome. Slowly, I walked over to Mom, waiting for her to finish talking. I shared the story and waited to see if I would be going to the hospital. I remembered they all laughed. Mom swooped me up and sat me down on the couch with Mrs. Sandy, Sarah and Martha’s mom, assuring me, I would live. 

Flying to Vacations

Being a pharmacist at Talent Drugs provided long hours with few days. However, every summer we flew to Myrtle Beach for a Wednesday through Sunday vacation.

In 1976, while riding in the brown and tan station wagon one evening, Dad proposed a spontaneous trip to Disney World in Florida. Sure enough, the next day much to our delight, by eleven Mom was picking us up at school, and we were walking up the plane wing—staying off the fuselage of course—and buckling up.  

Flying with His Best Friend

Sarah and Martha’s dad and Daddy were the best of friends. He and Daddy often flew together. Mr. Buddy was the local mortician at Finch’s Funeral Home. Mr. Buddy’s personality was definitely not the grim, stone-faced men that are often portrayed at funeral homes in movies. He was one of the joyous men I ever met. He and Daddy had many adventures of their own. Perhaps my favorite stories was their flight to retrieve a body that needed preparation for a funeral.  

On short flights when they had a body, Buddy would sit in the back seat, and they would lie the body in a stretcher that extended from the back seat to the folded front seat. However, this particular trip was a longer flight, and they decided having Buddy co-pilot was a good idea. Their next good idea was to strap the body in an upright position and buckle her in the back seat! 

When nature called and the plane needed a fill up, they landed. Daddy asked the attendant to fill-her-up, and they walked inside. Returning with their usual little glass Coke bottle and a pack of peanut butter crackers, the attendant had an alarming expression. 

“Uh, the lady in the back seat—she hasn’t moved since you’ve been gone! Not a muscle!” 

Buddy paid for the gas and added, “Well, if she had, then there would be some real trouble!” 

Daddy just shook his head. They latched the doors and took off. 

Tribute to a Friend

If I had a dime for every time Mr. Buddy flew his airplane over our house after Daddy passed, I would be a millionaire. I can still hear Mom’s call, “Girls, I hear Buddy.” All five of us, Mom, my three sisters, and me would run out of the house, throw our heads in the air, and begin waving. I think Buddy’s flights helped us know Daddy was a part of him and a part of us too.

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Doers of the Word: What Did He Say? -Donna

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In the South we tend to have lazy tongues. We omit our ending sounds: going becomes goin’ and  kept becomes kep’. Recently while in Texas, Karla and I decided to stop at a local restaurant. When we walked in, It had a small down-home feeling. Besides us, there were only about eight other patrons in the place. We quickly noticed the man who was making rounds from table to table. Clearly, everyone knew him. He reminded us of Uncle Jesse from the TV show The Dukes of Hazzard (‘79-’85). He wore faded blue overalls and a button up shirt. Snow white hair graced his head and face. 

After table-hopping to visit the other locals, he approached our table with a huge smile that could only be detected because his beard widened. “Hey ladies. I’ve spoke to ever’body else, so I had to come tell y’all hello too. That way you can say the crazy pastor talked to you too.” We smiled, laughed, and said hello. But as soon as he walked away, we looked at each other with unsure, large eyes. “Did he say pastor or bastard?” I questioned in a whisper voice, half laughing and half alarmed. Immediately, Karla replied, “I was gonna ask you the same thing! I think he said pastor. I mean ever’one in here knows him, and he’s so nice and friendly.”  I said, “True, but it sure sounded more like bastard, just with the d dropped.”

Confusion

Now if you were a teen in the late 80’s or early 90’s, you probably watched Saturday Night Live at some point. This situation reminded me of the “Pat” character. Pat was an individual in skits, and it was never clear if Pat was a male or female. After our brief remembrance of Pat, we felt we were in a similar boat. 

In five minutes or so another local came in the door. They immediately recognized each other. The man walked over to “Uncle Jesse” and said, “Hey man, how are ya?”  Jesse replied, “I have my wife and my Bible; I am great! ” Karla and I smiled, shook our heads up and down, whispering, “He said pastor.” 

As we ate our salads, we heard him loudly talking. He remarked about all the “s–t” that has been going on lately. We made eye contact and silently mouthed, “he said bastard.” While we waited for our steak and chicken to arrive, we were pretty sure he was bowing his head, saying the blessing. Maybe we were wrong, maybe we didn’t hear the s word earlier.  He probably said pastor.  

Ketchup on a Steak

Being that we were in Texas, I ordered a nice, big steak. I asked the waitress for ketchup. She brought it back and placed it on the table. As I squirted it onto my plate, Uncle Jesse yelled across the room. “You best not be puttin’ ketchup on a steak!” I looked up and Uncle Jesse was glaring at me! Now I do eat ketchup on a steak, but I sure wasn’t going to tell him that. But instead of lying, I smiled and held up a fry, leading him to believe the ketchup was for them. Karla became tickled as she pointed out that before dipping my steak each time, I made sure he wasn’t looking. I felt as if I was doing something I would have gotten in trouble for when I was a kid. 

After his wife was paying for their meal, he came over and apologized for the ketchup comment. He said he was just kidding and talked so sweetly about his wife and his local friends. Karla and I nodded at each other and smiled, signaling “pastor”, but the conversation took a quick turn. He began talking about when he was a kid. Every sentence contained a curse word. We raised our eyebrows signaling “bastard”. When He bid us farewell, he took his wife by the hand and left. 

Deceiving Ourselves

The irony of the situation was the wall Karla’s seat faced was covered with crosses. So many sizes and shapes. There must have been 50, but the wall I faced was decorated with shot glasses. 

When we got in the car, Karla remarked that so many Christians are like that. One minute we are a shining light for Christ and the next we are doing something that makes people wonder if we are a Christian at all. Surely, our sinful nature confuses the unsaved leaving them to wonder how our lives as Christian are any different than theirs. 

I’m not saying that if we say a curse word, tell a lie, or take a little something from our workplace that we are not Christian. Most believers have done one or even all of these, but it may cause a non-Christian to take a double take. 

Though Christians are human and still sin daily, we should be striving to be different! In James 1:22, the Bible says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”  

Uncle Jessie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TaWtUFmtNE

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Singing: Ain’t Nothing Gonna Steal My Joy- by Karla

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I have never been one to enjoy the spotlight.  I will help do whatever, but I don’t like the lead. About seven years ago, I began singing in my church’s praise group. When the girls were younger, I sang in the choir. When I would make a musical mistake, I would find myself shaking my head. Over the years, I broke the habit since I feared people would notice my negative, recurring motions that might distract their worship. The church I attended at that time was larger, and I felt like I blended in with the thirty or so choir members. Our praise team only has about ten people, and I am expected to stand in front of a microphone. Uh, yuck!

The men in the sound booth were constantly encouraging me to step up closer to the microphone. I would shake my head no and keeping singing. Some Sundays, I would see them mouthing, “Your mic’s not on.” I would reply with a nod, a smile, my soft singing voice, and never make any attempt to flip the switch!  

Joyful Noise

As the years went on and I drew closer to the Lord, I unconsciously grew nearer to the mic. I’ve even sung a solo or two along the way.  My anxieties of being in the limelight subsided more and more. I learned to realize that I am just me, human and not perfect, when I make noticeable mistakes.

God never ceases to amaze me. I have no idea how the transformation took place, but somewhere along the way I quit thinking that I was on stage with all eyes on me, which made me feel dreadfully self-conscience. Unreserved, I began singing to the Lord, not for any person, rather making a joyful noise and praising the Lord. What a blessing!

Spring Sinuses

Recently, the praise team was leading worship through song. I was fully aware of the freedom I felt lifting my voice to the Lord. I continued song after song with devotion, not restriction.

Constantly battling with my sinuses every spring, I began coughing a little during the first song. With each song, I could feel the tickle in my throat. I sung a couple of bars; then I coughed a couple. “Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)” began as I felt a coughing attack emerging. I knew I needed to depart from the stage so I would not interrupt anyone’s worship. Just slowly put the microphone into its holder and ever so softly walk down the steps and slide out the side door.

OOPS!

I turned, eased the microphone into its clip, and tried to be invisible as I moved. However as I stepped, I felt my foot catch on the cord. Being long-legged, my stride is wider than most. I realized I was in danger of falling right there on the stage in front of everyone. Yep! That would not have interrupted anyone’s worship.

To regain my stance, my arms instinctively went outward in the “walking a tight wire balancing” motion. I did a half hop/half lunge, and I almost made it! My foot was free, but my arm had gotten looped in the upper part of the cord.  The momentum from the stumble had thrust me forward and yanked the mic onto the floor with a thud! My legs continued to toddle until I reached the steps. I felt my fingers filtering through the leaves of the plants that surround the piano as I somewhat sailed off the platform and stopped just short of the front row.

By this time, I had lost lost sight of the door.  Instead, I found myself behind a friend hiding my face. A man, who sits on the second row, had jumped forward to catch me and I heard one of the youth say, “I thought Ms. Karla was gonna take me out.”

Ain’t Nothing Going to Steal My Joy

Shaking my head, I walked to the car to get a cough drop.  Funny thing, my urge to cough had dissipated. As I neared the sanctuary, my pastor’s wife urged me to come back into the service. “Everyone’s concerned you are hurt.”

I attempted to ease back into my spot, as I realized Pastor Scott was reassuring everyone that I was okay. He stopped when he saw me. I am not sure what he said, but as an actress in a show bows, I did so as if to say “yep, I did that, but at least I am okay.”   

Sitting down, I summarized my reflections of God freeing me from self doubt while singing and how I was trying to ease out not to disturb anyone’s worship. A friend whispered to me, “Ain’t nothing going to steal your joy!”

The old me would have ran to crawl in a hole and replayed the incident repeatedly.  But the new me, restored through Jesus, decided to laugh repeatedly!

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Fear: The Itsy Bitsy Spider….NOT -by Donna

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Recently, as I was following someone in my car and illegally talking to Karla, I glanced to my right and saw a huge spider sitting on my purse “looking” at me. I screamed and flew over two lanes of traffic into the Walgreens’ parking lot. Spiders terrify me and are the creepiest things alive.

 I called Karla screaming and scaring her to death. The young man I was following, either saw my sporadic driving or noticed I had disappeared from behind him and quickly called to see what happened. I switched from talking to Karla and in a hysterical voice, let him know about the creature. He said he was turning around and coming. I beeped back over to Karla, but I was not taking my eyes off that spider. My fear was what if it crawled away and disappeared somewhere in the car; I wouldn’t know where it was? Then at anytime in the future while I was driving, the spider could creep back out and crawl up my leg, across my shoulder…

Karla recommended I take off my shoe and hit it. But I was afraid I would miss and send it hiding. I screamed as it finally decided to move and began crawling across my purse scaring poor Karla once more. (Who continued to ask, “How big is this spider, really?” Obviously doubting I should be so afraid) When the young man finally arrived, he picked up my purse and shook it off into the parking lot, setting it free. (Much to my dismay!)

Torment

Life is often like this scenario. Something unexpected rears its ugly head sending us into a panic. We fret over it, not taking our mind or eyes off of it. We are so focused on it that we aren’t aware of things around us. Even when it seems hidden for awhile, we have the fear that it may come crawling back at any moment.

For the rest of the ride in the car, I caught myself continuing to glance back over at my purse, looking for the spider, that I KNEW was no longer in my car. Why am I doing that I thought?

It can often be difficult to forget about something that sent us over the edge. It taunts us in our minds. And just like Karla doubting the size of the spider, others may doubt the magnitude of your problem, not thinking it is a big deal. Yet we are filled with dread, expecting it to rear its ugly head again. Satan knows what triggers us. He knows our weakness. He will torment you, letting it plague your mind, if you let him.

1 Peter 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

 

 

 

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