Struggling Children: When in Doubt, Let Them Paddle it Out -by Donna

I have watched ladies sob when the Titanic sank, and Jack slowly disappeared into the ocean or during Ghost when Patrick Swayze went to the light and faded away. I love those movies, but they do not bring out emotion in me, like a dog movie can. Give me Marley and Me or White Fang, and you will see my tears. 

During quarantine, my daughter and I have been walking her dog around a nearby lake. One morning as we stepped onto the path, we simultaneously noticed something black in the water following the geese and ducks. “It’s a dog!” I yelled!

The house I used to live in had a small lake and for several years we had a black lab. So, it was not surprising to see this. But as I approached the family, who was watching the dog, I became concerned. The woman was on the phone saying, “But I can’t swim!” She was standing with a pregnant lady and two small children. When we got within twenty feet, one of the little girls ran toward me in a panic. 

“Can you swim?”

“Yes, I can.” I smiled.

“Save our dog; he’s drowning!”

 I wasn’t worried until I talked to the lady on the phone. The woman called out to her daughter, “Boundaries. Six feet back.” She apologized for her daughter’s close proximity and then began telling me the events. “He has been swimming an hour! He won’t come back.”

How Long Can He Swim?

The dog was far out in the thirty-six-acre lake, and his head was barely above water. So, I watched and wondered. How long can this dog keep swimming? If that woman wasn’t exaggerating in the midst of her panic, he’s been out there an hour. That’s a long time! Dogs are smart, but when he gets exhausted, can he realize how far the swim back will be?

Several people had stopped walking and were gazing at the dog. While the family whistled and called, I began to worry. At times, his head would go down and only his snout was visible. My daughter frantically asked, “Are we going to just stand here and let it drown?”

“No, but I’m not sure what to do?” Having a big heart for dogs, desperation had already been building inside me. And he was swimming further out!

“We have a kayak!” She reminded me.

A Possible Plan

We went back to the car, drove the five minutes home and tried to see if the Kayak would fit in my small car. But the paddle was nowhere to be found, so that plan was out. I started back out the door, but saw two floats that belonged to my son in the laundry room. I grabbed one. 

As I walked back around the lake, holding a float and leash, I thought, can I do this if I have to. Am I strong enough to pull out a sixty-pound dog — if necessary? It’s been over thirty years since I was a lifeguard.

The little girl ran toward me with excitement. “You have a float! You’re going to save him!”

I turned to the woman asking, “Is he a friendly dog?”

As people continued to whistle, to our delight, he began swimming back. But when he was almost to shore, a goose honked and around he turned. He swam and swam. When he was far out, he gave a bark here and there. 

Wait

Is he calling for help? It was agonizing to watch him swim around and around in circles, and then his head submerged briefly. I could take it no longer. As I started to take my shoes off, I heard a man behind me call out, “Wait.” 

I turned and saw a man standing with his dog. “He is struggling, but he is strong.”

“They said he’s been out there an hour! And his head went under a minute ago!” I desperately whined.

“You can’t see underneath. His legs are still strong. I can tell by his stride in the water.”

So, I stood hugging my float feeling helpless but hoped the man knew what he was talking about. He stood with me for a while, but at some point, I turned around, and he was gone. Oh my gosh! Where did he go? He’s supposed to be watching and letting me know when the struggle is real? 

About five minutes later, he suddenly reappeared and stated, “I was watching from my window. He’s still strong.” 

He sensed my extreme anxiety over the situation and said, “If someone has to go in, I’ll go.”

“If someone has to go in, I will.”

Later at home as I pondered the day’s events, I smiled as I recalled how the dog emerged from the lake and the excitement on the families faces. I thought about how the dog scenario was so much like life as a parent and even as a teacher. Watching a child (no matter the age) struggle is so difficult. You want to step in and rescue them. But often we just need to stand on the shore to encourage and cheer them on. They will make it.

The man who stood behind me was like God, metaphorically speaking. God is watching our children struggle too. He wants to remind us, we can’t see what is happening below the surface. We just see the struggle on their faces. They are often stronger than we give them credit. At times we may feel like God has disappeared and left us alone with the problem. But like the man who was watching from his window, He is still there. Perhaps the most important thing is, “If someone has to go in, I will!” Deuteronomy 31:8 states “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you…” 

The dog made it in, though tired and wet. When our children go through struggles, they may come out weary, but the struggles help them grow. As hard as it is, we must sometimes sit back, encourage, and resist the temptation to jump in and save them. If we do, they may miss the lessons learned and the opportunity of growth to help them avoid making the same mistake twice.

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