Category Archives: Light-hearted Humor

These blogs are about light-hearted funny stories.

Guidance: No Sense. -By Karla

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Ok, I have a little sense, but not so much when it comes to directions.

Which Way Is Up?

Over the years, I have provided my family with lots of stories that give validity for their harassment. I have tried to come up with some way to explain my actions but had little success. When I turned 16, I told Mom I was ready to go take my driving test. Concerned because she did not think I had studied enough, she asked if I was sure.  Now, I would almost swear that I never said the following, but apparently, there are too many witnesses.  

“I have just one question,” I must have blurted without thinking. “How do you know which side of the road to drive on?”

Just Point the Way

Another directional story that seems to haunt me from my youth is one my Aunt Anna likes to share. In the middle of some blabberings, I simply pointed to Nana’s house. The two houses are only a few hundred yards from each other. Lord only knows what I was trying to tell because my pointing ended the story. I remember them standing me in front of the living room window, where I could see her house. However, for the life of me, I could not figure out which way her house was so that I could point in the right direction!

Better Late than Never

Over the years, I would like to say that I have been cured from my directional disabilities, but that would be a bold-face lie. Before navigation systems were on our phones, my girls were in their prime basketball and volleyball days.  God love them. I know they started a ton of away games wondering if I would get lost and miss half of it. Once I got to a game with less than two minutes left to play!

The Stories Just Keep Turning Up From Nowhere

And don’t even get me started talking about the times Donna and I have been lost; there are several hundred blogs for those stories.

Once I even got lost on the beach!  Now to be perfectly honest, I didn’t even tell anyone about that one except Donna because we were on the phone when the realization hit me!  t was December, and I decided to take a stroll on the beach and watch the sunset. Taking off my shoes, I put the condo key inside them, and tucked them under my a chair. I walked for about a mile; then headed back. The problem was that we was so involved in our conversation, that I did not noticed I had passed the beach chair by a mile or so! My phone died; the sun set completely, I was barefoot and had a serious need to find a potty.

The beach was deserted by this point, and I was uncomfortable walking alone in the dusk.  Heading for the road, I thought I would be a little safer. Up ahead, I thankfully saw a very nice hotel, and knew I could make a pit-stop. Though shoeless, I darted for the ladies’ room. After hours of walking aimlessly, I came to familiar surroundings, located my sandals, and made my way home.

Finding Our Way

Life sure is filled with numerous, complicated situations that require us to know how to find our way. Recently, while in the nursery, a young girl came in, sat, and begin to talk. Forming a little bond over the past year, we chatted, and I prayed with her. She is from an unchurched family; she needed to learn how prayer helps us find our way. Our world is filled with chaos, some that we do not even create, prayer guides our unknown paths.

How blessed we are, but often lazy. We have access to a Bible; all we need to do is open it and read. The closer I get to God, the more I want others to know how He desires to navigate us in the right direction.

 Isaiah 55:8-9 says,  “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” He has the best road for us to travel, so that we will never get lost. We need to invite God with us, lighting the path to our destination.-Karla

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Attitude: Baby It’s Cold Outside! -By Donna

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Karla and I are so much alike, except when it comes to temperature. As you can see from the picture, this is what the settings sometimes look like when we are traveling together. What you can’t see is that I am wearing leggings, jeans, shirt, sweater, socks, boots, jacket, and drinking hot tea.  Karla is wearing a sleeveless shirt, open-toed shoes, and a cooling rag. Her hair is pulled up, and she’s drinking cold water. It hasn’t always been like this with us, but these hot flashes make traveling with her a little more challenging. I despise the cold!

Some of my Christmas gifts this year from my children included a gigantuous furry blanket and fuzzy slippers that you heat in the microwave before wearing. I’ve always been cold-natured, so, when I saw this week’s forecast, I was dreading it.

14 Degrees

Tuesday morning was the first day back to school.  As usual, I went out and cranked my car, then came back in to do a few things while it warmed up. When I crawled in the car, the outside temperature said 14 degrees. I immediately had to catch my breath from the frigid air that was blowing full force out of my heat vents. Yep, no heat.  The fifteen-minute drive seemed like forever. As I fussed and complained aloud, my warm breath came steaming like smoke from my mouth. By the time I arrived at work, my toes were frozen and my fingers literally ached from the cold. This is insane! I am freezing.

As complaint after complaint fell from my frozen lips, Emily’s friend went through my mind. He works outside. I texted to make sure he had warm gloves and multiple pairs of socks to wear. How awful to work out in this weather. Then I pictured the homeless man and his dog that I pass several times a week. I envisioned an elderly person sitting at home with no heat. Forgive me, Lord. I am so blessed to have a car, unlike the homeless man and his buggy. My dog is curled up on the sofa, while his walks the cold streets with him. I have a warm workplace, while others are outside on a rooftop. And when I return from work, I come inside to my warm home, slide on my heated slippers, and snuggle under my gigantious blanket, while others suffer in homes without heat.

Attitude Adjustment

Sometimes we get so accustomed to things; we take them for granted. Not really having the time or money to fix my heat at the moment, I have driven this way for three days. That first day was all complaining, which I know Satan loved. (He knows just how to get me; he knows I hate cold) But after my attitude adjustment, I just laugh at him, sing my way to school as always (just dressed in a few more layers), and pray for those less fortunate in this weather.-Donna

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Take It To the Limit! -By Donna

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Here at Smorgasbord of Sisterhood, we will be taking the next few weeks off for the holidays! If you are enjoying our weekly blogs, have no fear, we shall return. In the meantime, we will be working on our upcoming Facebook page and re-posting some oldies. So, read a story you didn’t before or enjoy a repeat!

Enjoy your holiday season and be sure and spend some quality time with not only family but best friends!  

Many years ago, in our college days, two guy friends were taking a drive and Karla and I rode along.  As we sat in the back, a song we loved came over the radio. We began singing to the top of our lungs. In an attempt to shut us up, they rolled down all the windows in the car. But despite the frigid winter air there was no stopping us. We only sang louder. From that day on, every time that song is on the radio, we must belt it out! This holiday season, take something to the limit! Sleep later than ever, laugh harder than before, smile bigger than possible, love larger than imaginable…enjoy life!

–Donna and Karla

Click on the link below for a musical treat! Not!

 

 

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Original or Extra Crispy? -By Karla

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I have often said, “If there were lines in Heaven where people gather personality traits before we came into this world, I missed a few booths and went to others twice.” Like mom, it could be said that I might be late for my own funeral. In fact, I probably didn’t even see the booth marked “punctuality”, and just got into the “generosity” line a second time.

Today for instance, my friend Jenni called asking for a little favor. Her family has done so many things for the girls and me over the past five years. While we do things for them as well, I am not sure I can ever repay the care they have given us. Being an honorary Nana to her children is a blessing that keeps on giving.

Thus, there was not an ounce of hesitation on my part when she asked a favor. Her car had been towed to the shop in town. She had forgotten a few things in it and asked if I would bring them to her after school.

“Sure thing!” I continued by offering to pick up anything else she might need for our church’s trunk-or-treat while I was in town also. “I have after school tutoring, then I will run the errands and be there.”

“Running around like a chicken with my head cut off” was a common phrase Mom used to say to me. Organization is another booth I missed out on. Trying to plan the best route for my errands, I started walking to the car. Man, I have got to go to the bathroom. I should have gone before I left the building. I can’t get back in! Walking a little faster to the car, I decided I would make that my first stop inside the store.  On the way I swung by the bank to make a deposit.

This particular ATM is a walk-up with no run-through option, so I patiently waited for my turn. The sky is so pretty.  Just enjoy the moment in the sun. Don’t stress; the car place does not close for another hour.  You have time. Often when I step into the sunlight a sneeze hits me. I felt it coming. If I could just get back to my car and sit down, I would be fine! But nope! The sneeze came and so did a little pee. Well, that is just great! Got to love being a woman when you hit fifty!

Strategically, I ran into Kmart to get my prescription after a quick trip to the bathroom. Then I got a text from Jenni.  “Can you add a white boa to my list? I need it for my chicken costume for tomorrow night.” Well, a person doesn’t get that request often!

Sending a thumbs up emoji, I darted toward the Halloween costumes and the dress-up clothes, but no luck. Next, the Ford place and on to Walmart.

“Are you two together?” the man behind the desk asked me pointing to a gentleman waiting in line.

I bet he hopes not since I might have a pee stain on my pants! Luckily, he politely said no.

“I have a friend who had her Ford Suburban towed here, and I need to get a something out of it for her.”

Both men laughed. “Probably not since a Suburban is a Chevy. Maybe an Expedition?”

“Ugh, yea. Probably.” I added Jenni’s name. “It had to be towed here last night.”

He looked up the location of her car and said, “Follow me please, but be careful in here. The guys leave lots of things laying around.”

I didn’t get in the “graceful” line either.  “If I fall, I promise to get right back up,” I tried to smile. “I pray I do not smell like urine.”

Not smiling, he asked, “Where are you from?”

“Here for the last twenty-five years, but originally from Blue Ridge, GA.

That seems like a random question? Why did he ask me that? Is he flirting with me?

“What did you say your name was? I guess you aren’t stealing anything.”

“I am Karla. Jenni and I are really good friends.” I said as I jumped  into the back seat rummaging around. It was about that time when I realized how dumb I was about to look. “Here it is!” I bellowed as I came up with an empty KFC bucket.

Confusion covered his entire face.

“It goes with the chicken costume for tonight’s trunk-or-treat! I guess if he was flirting with me and the pee stain did not deter him, the empty KFC bucket just did!

Walking to my car, my phone buzzed again. “Can you get two more things for me…”

“Excuse me sir. May I go back and get the baby carrier and the bread maker?” I so tried not to laugh.

If Mom could see me now…running around like a chicken with my head cut off and carrying a chicken bucket!

The things we do for those we love!

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Laughter: LOL. -By Donna

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    “Giggles, Thank you for visiting Shorter College…” was how the letter I received began, after Karla and I toured the school in 1986.  And oh my did we get a look that day from Mama because of those giggles, but that’s another blog. I love to laugh and I have spent a lot of my life chuckling.  However, laughing at myself was not something I was able to do.  Embarrassment always took over, and I always worried about what others thought of me.   

    The first Sunday after moving to a new house, I misjudged the distance to my church. On the way, I realized how much further the drive was now and I would be ten or fifteen minutes late! I knew Satan would love for me to turn around and go home, so I decided I was going regardless. Walking across the parking lot I decided, being the braver new me, to speak to a man who was also late. “Better late than never!” His reply, “Yes, ma’am.”

   As I walked up the front steps, he allowed me to go first. He then opened the doors for me and said, “Perfect timing!” As I looked, they were doing the “turn around and shake someone’s hand.” Oh, thank you. Now it won’t be as obvious that I am late and people won’t be staring at me. I slid in about four rows from the back and began shaking hands with the people in front of me. Although we had now begun singing, I felt hands on my shoulders. I turned around and a lady leaned in and whispered, “Your skirt is up in the back.” I nonchalantly pulled it down and said, “Thank you.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

    Yep, I had walked in with a man behind me and was standing in church with my skirt tail up. I shook my head and grinned to myself. Thoughts filled my head. Why didn’t he tell me? He must have been embarrassed to say anything. What color underwear do I have on? Yellow with white flowers. Oh, you just think you are going to distract me today, Satan. I casually glanced back to see how many men were sitting in the three rows behind me. Then I realized how in the past I would have been devastated, probably to the point of not coming back. I would have worried myself crazy that people were laughing or talking about me. But although embarrassing, I was able to laugh at myself. I know I am far from perfect, but that is OK because I am secure in God’s love. He made me who I am, and I am the only one that can be me.

Laughter is a Gift

     We live in a fallen world, and if we are going to survive it, we need to laugh along the way. There are times when we should be serious, but sometimes to face the day we need to laugh at ourselves. (Proverbs 15:15) “All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” God gave us the ability to laugh. It is a gift from Him. He knew how important laughter would be and how it can benefit us physically, mentally, and spiritually. God doesn’t want us to just live; He wants us enjoying life.

    Your happiness is a witness for Christ. When life is tough, laugh and have joy. People will notice the gladness in your heart and wonder where it comes from. “Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, ‘The Lord hath done great thing for them.’ (Psalm 126:2)

    My favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 31:25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Recently, I have had to find humor in the unknown future. We can all do that because God exists and He keeps his promises.–Donna

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“No, Karla, You Get To!” -By Karla

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I have hosted a small group Bible study in my home for almost five years, and we have formed a close bond. Last summer one of them mentioned going to the beach together. So, that October we were off on a long weekend adventure, had a blast, and began planning for this year the minute we pulled out the condo complex, where we had stayed.

Is It Worth All the Hassle?

As the October holiday approached this year, so did the hurricanes. Several friends looked at me like I was crazy when I told them I was headed closer to the storm. I quietly wondered if we would need to cancel, but I was so busy that I left the decision up to the rest of the group. They said go. For me, there were several factors:

  • It’s 9:30
  • I am just getting home from taking things to Rach in Atlanta,
  • It’s such a long drive there, a little over 700 miles round trip
  • I have so much school work to do
  • I haven’t even packed
  • It’s a lot of money for a short time.

Decision Made 

Meeting at my house at five o’clock, the five of us loaded suitcases, a cooler (packed with homemade chicken salad, waters, and of course, chocolate), computers for a little work, and seaside apparel.

Avoiding the five o’clock Atlanta traffic, we routed ourselves through Rome (Olive Garden with Donna) and hit Highway 27 southbound. The trip seemed longer than usual because of my recent tiredness and excitement to get there. So, I started wailing like a child and asked often, “Are we there yet?”

Never Too Old for a Road Trip Game

We giggled, and I proceeded to share a game that I had played on trips with the girls when they were young.

“My father owns a grocery store, and in his store, he owns something that begins with the letter –.” The other players ask yes or no questions until the mystery is solved. During the game, someone’s father got wealthy and must have owned a Super Walmart because hammers and fish tanks were added to the items for sale.

As we rolled on, we switched thoughts, “Do you remember the TV show ‘Chico and the Man’?”

Hey, “What about the ‘Rookies’”?

“What about ‘Sigmund and the Sea Monster?’” Then I proceeded to share the story of how I was once talking to a missionary and asked if he had seen that show, Semen and the Sea Monster!

We had laughed so much that it was time for a bathroom break, and a snack. Climbing back into the van, we continued. Games, laughter, stories, laughter, stop for a potty break, grab a snack, and repeat until 1am.

What Happens on a Girl’s Road Trip . . .

When we got there, we were quite saddened to discover that the Pirate Festival that had been where we stayed this same weekend last year had been canceled due to the weather. Yes, really, a pirate festival! Not our cup of tea, but it did provide some fun conversations.

We planted ourselves on the beach for about four hours Saturday enjoying blue skies. I walked feeling the sand between my toes and jumped the rough waves for at least an hour. But, I have never felt such an undertow! I kept a watchful eye on my friends lounging in their chairs so not to worry them. At one point while trying to move back nearer to them, they swear I was swimming without moving an inch!

Did I Mention It Was Windy?

The evenings were spent playing games and eating snacks: popcorn and chocolate, chips and salsa, smoothies and fresh baked bread with butter and jelly! The games, Like Wise and ImaginIff, brought some hoots and hollers of laughter. One of the questions was “name a cheesy town”. The other four ladies cleverly wrote Green Bay. I was struggling a bit, and invented Velveetaville. The reply to this was, “Hey, I think I know that song,” and she started singing only to discover the words were Margaritaville!

Important to Note: And if you ever play and have the category of gross things at the circus do not answer the bearded lady, elephant dung is the most popular answer.

How wonderful to have friends that want to pray with you and laugh with you too. What a blast we had and a bond we made.

Hard Choices

Mom had some famous words in our house. Often my three sisters and I would say, “Mom, do I have to?”

Her reply was always the same, “No, Karla, you get to.”

Packing my things for Thursday night at 10:30, I thought how some people would think over 700 miles for just two full days at the beach was crazy, especially when one of the days is forecast to be a total wash out.

But, packing, I looked up and smiled, “Yes, Mom, I get to go to the beach.”

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Surviving: “The Search is Over” by Survivor – By Donna

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I had a month to pack up twenty-seven years of stuff and find a place to live.  September 30th was my deadline.  Every few days I went by two local realty companies for an updated list of available houses to rent.  First, I marked out those that read “no pets” and others I was concerned were out of my budget.  With few remaining on the list, I would ask for keys and venture to have a look.  Being afraid to walk into empty houses alone, (maybe I’ve seen too many mystery movies) I would call Karla and give her a verbal tour of each room.

Purple People Eater

In my starting price range, I saw some pretty rough houses in nerve-racking areas.  At the very first house, I believe the Purple People Eater had taken a bath there.  The entire tub had a purple stain, and a big one where his head would have laid. So after a couple of houses, I gave myself a little higher allowance.

Sometimes Karla would drive down and join me in my search.  Even with the 100 dollars increase in rent, we saw some sketchy places.  The first thing we saw at one house was a blood stain on the floor, or so we thought!  Not to mention the hardwoods in other rooms looked as if someone had a bonfire in the middle of the floor. One home was so bad that I stopped walking, looked at Karla and said, “I’m going no further. You can do what you want, but I’m out of here!” 

No matter how bad they were, Karla always tried to be optimistic and point out the positives she noticed. Though often her face was saying something totally different than her mouth!

Time Was Ticking

In the evenings when I wasn’t filling boxes, I was surfing the web on every rental site that exists. With only a week to go, I decided to open my mind to other possibilities like an apartment or a duplex.  Nothing is wrong with them. I have just lived in the middle of 40 wooded acres for almost 30 years.   love the trees and especially the lake I see as I look out the window every day. And Carlton, the dog, adores the yard to run in. But time was ticking.

A blessing came my way when some wonderful people offered to help with the rent so that I could go up in price, find a safe area, and something a little nicer. So Wednesday, Karla came down, and we went to look at another house and an apartment, both in better areas. We went to the apartment first. It was nice, roomy, and had three bedrooms. The carpet was filthy, but I knew the real estate company would clean it. There was a sliver of yard. I had finally found a possibility.

Next was the house. It was a cute, old restored house, downtown. It had all I desired: three bedrooms, a kitchen that included all appliances, and a small yard for Carlton. But we quickly discovered it must have been the residence of Roy G. Biv. The house was blue, and the brick wall was red. The kitchen and dining area were bright yellow and the bedroom lime green. The den was florescent orange! We never saw the indigo or violet, but I’m sure it was there somewhere. Now I had two possibilities! But I wanted the house, with a fresh coat of paint. I called the real estate company the next morning and was told to hurry and turn in my application because many people were interested in that house. So, I did and I prayed for that house.

On Thursday, I got a call and it had been narrowed down to one other person and me. They had a few questions for each of us before making their decision. I waited all day and heard nothing. So at the end of the day, I called and was told I wasn’t chosen. I never panicked and when friends asked if I had found a place, I would just smile and say, “Moving day is Saturday, and nope I don’t know where I’m going.” I knew God knew where I was going and He had a plan. 

5 Hours to Go

Friday was a teacher workday, and the last day to find a place since I had to to move Saturday. The offices closed at 5 so I was down to 5 hours! After lunch I didn’t have to return to school, so I planned to go straight to claim the apartment I really didn’t want. However a friend invited me to lunch for her birthday, which I had forgotten with all that was going on! On the way to the restaurant, I decided to run in the other realty place to grab a flyer. They weren’t in their usual spot. I asked the receptionist, and she said they had just been printed and handed me one and I threw it in the car.

After lunch, I went to sign the lease for the apartment. But the lady informed me that the apartment would not be ready for two weeks, unless I wanted to clean the carpets myself. I decided to think about it because they were really nasty and I didn’t know if they would dry by morning. Sitting in the car knowing I only had two hours to find a place to live, I picked up the paper and saw they had added one new house to the rental list. Well, might as well check it out. I ran and got the keys and hurried to see it. The minute I walked in the door I knew it was the one! I called the lady to tell her I wanted it, and I was on the way over to do the paper work.

“OH, I can’t do it today!  It’s Friday afternoon, the end of the month, and we are swamped.” she said. My heart sank as I sat there in stunned silence, knowing I had to move somewhere tomorrow. Suddenly her tone changed, and she said, “Well, if you can come now, I’ll do it.”

God’s Timing

While I sat waiting on her to write up the lease, the receptionist said, “You are lucky. We just put that house on the list right before you came and got the paper. Since you took the keys, four people have called wanting it.”

At 4:30 I signed the lease! I knew it wasn’t luck. It was God. He never fails me. He did wait until the last possible minute, but it had to be His timing not mine. I have a cute little home that has a nice backyard with a deck and lots of trees. It is 200 dollars less than Roy G. Biv’s house! 

And God even gave me a view of a lake!

-Donna

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Clutter: Let It Go -By Donna

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Lately, I have had to let go of a lot of things. Some bigger than others; some easier than others. I am moving into a new chapter in life and with it comes a physical move. As I have boxed up items, I have attempted to also clean out. I consider myself a sentimental gal. I have things that many people would hold on to like my mama’s bible, or my grandmother’s apron, or special Christmas ornaments.

But I also found things that I’m not sure most people would keep. I have a paper plate from each of my three children’s first birthday parties, Simba, Barney, and Winnie the Pooh. I have my retainer that I wore in middle school. I never wore braces, or I probably would have kept them too like Karla did. The button from my college years that reads, “member of the vanishing wisdom teeth club” is still in my possession. I love keeping things from the past.

After being at my daddy’s house recently and visiting the basement and his workshop, I thought to myself, when something happens to my daddy, how will we ever go through all this. My parents built the house in 1966. Fifty-one years of “stuff” has accumulated.

Let it Go

I decided I didn’t need to hoard as much and some things needed to go. After mama passed away, I was given some of her stuff. I slowly realized, that maybe I didn’t really need to keep things like her favorite gown. So over the past years, I have managed to depart with some things. I chunked her makeup, and several years later I even disposed of bandanas she wore when she lost her hair.

But then came…. Well, let me back up…

After mama passed away in 2007, Karla and I were at Daddy’s house going through her belongings. I was collecting more possessions to bring back with me as keepsakes. My mama labeled everything. There was a Nike shoe box marked miscellaneous so I took it. A few days later, I decided to open it and see what to keep and what to toss. At the bottom of the box was a small white Tupperware container. It sloshed as I picked it up. As I opened the lid, I was shocked to see Mama’s false teeth! I took a picture and sent it to Karla, and we had a good laugh.

But, what to do with them?  I could not bear to toss them in the garbage. Call me crazy if you would like, but they were a “part” of her, and I just couldn’t. One relative, who shall remain nameless, offered to bury them at her grave. Instead, I shoved them in the back of a kitchen cabinet. Out of sight, out of mind. But I was comforted by keeping them and not throwing them out.

Ten Years Later

While packing up yesterday, ten and a half years later, there they were! I knew it would be silly to move them with me. My mama would have been laughing at the entire scenario and calling me crazy for keeping them.

Sometimes I just like someone to tell me what to do. I often text Karla and tell her what to say. It may be, “Text me and tell me I am doing the right thing.”  She always obliges, not even knowing the circumstances. Needing a little push, I sent her a message that said, “Text me and say, Donna it’s time. Just do it.”

She replied with, ‘Oh Donna!  It is time! Be Nike! Just do it!” As I read her reply, I tossed them in the trash as tears rolled down my face.

Memories vs. Stuff

Memories and stuff are not the same. Memories are encoded in your brain not in the item. I don’t have to see Grandmother’s apron to picture her standing in the kitchen by the sink humming. An item triggers a memory that is already filed in one’s mind.

I have decided to let some items go, but keep them in another way. I will take a photo of them and on the back, write something about it. This would benefit my grandchildren or great grandchildren who might pull out strange items from a box, wondering whose they were or why they were kept. So as Queen Elsa would sing, “Let it Go, Let it Go!”

Will I get rid of everything? When H-E-double hockey sticks freezes over! Somethings I will never part with like my dead dog’s collar! And that’s ok.

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Fiftieth Birthday: Hawaii Five-O. -By Karla

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The Reason for the Travels 

Our blog, Smorgasbord of Sisterhood, is centered on faith, family, and laughter. For this special 50th birthday, I received a trip that embraced all three. I love lying on a float in the ocean! This trip we may not have been in Hawaii, but my 5-0 birthday brought us to the beach.

Sisters, cousins, and an aunt accompanied me to Florida. I do believe our laughter might have been heard all the way back in Georgia. Some names have been changed to dashes (-) to protect the innocent (or guilty).

Spotted before We Realized

On the way down, Donna and I spotted an aunt who was driving alone. We came up with this great plan, which amused us! Donna was going to put the pedal to the metal, catch up, and strategically pull parallel with her at nearest red light. My job was then to hang out the window waving my arms frantically yelling at her. We did catch up and tailed her, waiting on the opportunity. But being the human jukeboxes we are, when an old favorite came on we got distracted.  While sitting in a turning lane, we were singing and videoing ourselves, as she spotted us, got out of her car, and came back to give us a hug, surprising us!

Games and Laughter

Four out of the six nights we played board games; one of my favorite things to do. Ranging in ages from forty-nine to seventy-six, games can be quite interesting. One game required us to pick from a multiple choice list of different things that best described us while the other players try to guess “who you are”. This is when we learned that one cousin considers herself apathetic. Now, that was like wearing a target for the rest of the trip! Anytime there was a choice to be made someone would shout out, “Well, — doesn’t care!”

Another game was somewhat like Pictionary. One contestant felt so successful when her teammate guessed her drawing to be an action. Sadly, her bubble was quickly burst when we told her the word “action” was just the hint not the word to be guessed!

Fatty Wad Ryder

Later in the week, one player stated, “Well, I’m just sucking hind ***” because she was in last place. This caused someone to almost spit out her water she had just gulped! Turns out, that is a farm saying for what happens often to the little runt. Sometime during the games, we heard of a story from “the good old days” in which a cousin’s best friend’s brother was named Fatty Wad Ryder. I lie you not! I cannot make that one up!  

“Well, it’s true! I don’t even know his real name. His parents and teachers even called him Fatty Wad.” She pronounced. I am still laughing over that one, and might be at my 100th birthday party!

One night between a round of the game, I received some birthday cards. As one cousin handed me my card, she announced, “Here you go. It’s a funny one. I didn’t sign it in case you want to reuse it!”

Only a Few Arguments 

We had such a blast. With almost no arguing, except every time we got in the van! Two of the eight attendees have back problems. They were constantly arguing about who was not going to take the front seat because the other one needed it more. It even came to a few “friendly” shoves!

A feud occurred over who would pay for the pizzas. One cousin had declared she would pay for it, and laid her debit card out. Donna and I volunteered to go pick it up. Walking out the door, I said, “Oh, I forgot –‘s debit card.”

Donna whispered, “It’s my turn to pay for something. Don’t get it.! Go and shh!”  When we were almost out the door, — yelled, you forgot my card.”

Donna tried to push me on out the door, “Pretend you didn’t hear her.”

“I can’t lie.”  I trudged over and got it. Donna thought she had the last laugh and paid the $20 at the counter. Upon leaving the beach, the aunt gave Donna a card (whose birthday happens to also be in July). Inside, yep!  You guessed it. There was a $20 bill.

Our family loves to eat! We enjoyed several meals and lots of ice-cream. There would be no arguments over extra ice-cream because — not only ate her’s every night, but the leftovers of everyone else too! “Don’t throw that away!  I’ll eat it!”

Beach Time

At the beach, the fun continued. The ocean is not on the top ten list of favorites among some of our family. One of these cousins was being oh-so-brave as we coaxed her out further and further. I stated, “You know, I am pretty proud of you being out here.”  Her reply, “Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself too!” Donna and I were careful not to discuss the helicopters that were flying back and forth over the water and what they might be looking for.

Our family is so awesome. to care for one another. One night, Donna and I were taking the trash to the dumpster. We detoured to swing a while on the kid’s swing set. An aunt met us at the door when we got back. “Y’all been gone for a long time. I was not going to bed until you got back!”

One of the bad “back” ladies was in the ocean. After a while she tired and another cousin treaded back with her to the beach. I looked up from my float to see them holding hands. Taking care of each other is what we do. At meal times, we all held hands saying grace and thanking God for our safety, our families, and birthdays!

-Karla (Who will withhold the names of the innocent because what happened in Panama City Beach stays in Panama City Beach, except the memories!)

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Wedding Plans -By Teresa (Guest Blogger)

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Donna and I are basking at the beach this week.  We’re excited to have our first guest blogger while we are having fun in the sun.  Please enjoy my friend and co-worker Teresa’s thoughts about wedding plans.
 
Wedding Plans- by Teresa
Growing up, I always “knew” what my future would be. I would marry the man of my dreams in a huge church wedding. We would sail off into the mountain sunset leaving our reception in a huge, multi-colored hot air balloon. I would be “Suzi Homemaker,” like my momma. We would have three beautiful, intelligent children – two girls and a boy and live in a quaint cottage style house surrounded by a white picket fence. We would, of course, have a dog.

Wedding Plans: Bridesmaids

As I became a teenager, my mom and I had many arguments about my wedding. I have always been blessed with an abundance of close friends. Naturally, they would all be in my wedding. Rattling off my long list of bridesmaids my mom attempted to be the voice of reason. I couldn’t see the problem. I had it all planned out.“You can’t have that many bridesmaids, Teresa. That will cost too much money. You will have to cut some of them out,” she’d say.
 “I can’t cut any of them out,” I countered. “I have to have Donna, Lisa, and Sheila because they’re my family. Tina has been my best friend since sixth grade. Beverly and I have been close since I was at Sand Hill. I just can’t have a wedding without Becky and Pattie. Pam, Jan, Laura, and I are the four musketeers. Brinda and Rena are like my sisters, so they have to be in it. Jo absolutely has to be my matron of honor. You can’t expect me to exclude any of them!”

Wedding Plans: Flower and Music

These silly arguments about wedding plans occurred countless times, never ending in a resolution. In the meantime, I was busy planning the actual ceremony. Since teal is my favorite, that would be my main color with baby pink as an accent color. There would be gobs of fresh flowers: hydrangeas, roses, and lots and lots of baby’s breath. Uncle Wayne would perform the ceremony. The bridesmaids would wear teal dresses with matching shoes. The matron of honor’s dress would be pink. The groomsmen would wear black tuxes with teal cummerbunds and bow ties.
The songs would be “Two Less Lonely People in the World” by Air Supply and “We’ve Only Just Begun” by the Carpenters. My dress would be a flowing white gown with a ridiculously long train as I walked proudly down the aisle on my daddy’s arm with him beaming from ear to ear. My handsome groom would be standing there waiting for me with tears in his eyes. It was all set.

No More Wedding Plans

One day, in the middle of one of these discussions with my mom, I finally said to her, “Momma, I don’t even have a boyfriend. There’s no point in us talking about my wedding and arguing about my bridesmaids until I am at least dating someone!” So, we stopped having these bridal battles. Still, I continued to plan my future in my mind. To this day, I have a Hallmark card that I bought for my husband-to-be. I planned to give it to him the morning of our wedding day. I’m sure by now it is yellowed from age and probably sounds cornier than it did when I bought it way back in the 80s.
 

No Prince Charming

I didn’t marry Prince Charming. There was no fairy tale wedding, the one I argued so passionately with my mother about. I don’t have three beautiful, intelligent children, nor do I live in a cottage style house surrounded by a white picket fence. As it turns out, I am still single. I live in a condo with the love of my life, a gorgeous little furry girl with four legs named Graci. (See, I did at least get the dog!) Please don’t feel sorry for me though. I live an extremely full and happy life. I have an amazing family made complete by “Pride” and “Joy,” my nieces. I have more wonderful friends than I deserve.
As a veteran teacher of almost 30 years, my job has allowed me to influence and make a difference in the lives of countless children. Graci and I love our home. There is no place on earth I’d rather be. What I didn’t realize back when I was fervently planning my future was that God had plans of His own for me. I truly believe I am living the life God intended for me to have, the life that is the best life for me, the life God knew all along was ordered by Him.
 
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…” (Jeremiah 29:11 – NIV)
—Teresa

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